


Practice Makes Perfect

by WriteAnon



Category: Star vs. The Forces Of Evil
Genre: But Also Story?, F/M, Jarco - Freeform, Shameless Smut, Smut, starco
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-09 20:36:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 33,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5554385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WriteAnon/pseuds/WriteAnon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marco finally nuts up and asks Jackie out, but soon finds that he isn't as prepared for love as he'd like to be. Fortunately, Marco has a friend who is more than willing to help. Unfortunately, she has some unusual methods and questionable motives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Kinda Suck At This

**Author's Note:**

> First fic for this fandom, let me know if I'm on the right track. Read, review, and enjoy (optional).
> 
>  
> 
> Also, disclaimer, all the characters in this fic are "Older" than in canon. How much or how little is up to y'all.

                                                                                                  

A horrible roar drew Marco’s attention; he immediately leapt to the ground and rolled as an enormous clawed hand whistled through the air where his head had been. Marco crouched and launched himself forward, delivering a powerful roundhouse kick to the bear-monster’s knee, buckling it and sending him tumbling forward. Marco grabbed his tree-trunk thick wrist and, with a kiai, used the beast’s momentum to send him hurtling across the yard and into a trio of dazed monsters, knocking them to the ground.

“Marco, on your left!” Star cried.

Without looking, Marco sidestepped as a massive club missed him by bare inches. He grabbed the hand holding it and pulled the two-headed monster into an arm-bar, kicked out his legs, and planted his faces into the grass with a hard ‘thud’. “You were saying?”

A blast of magic flashed over his head, he spun around to see the giraffe-man disappear into a shrieking cloud of flesh-eating butterflies. Star was beside him an instant later, a smug grin on her face. “You were saying?”

“Sorry, I’m just really super pumped!” Marco exclaimed, driving a fist into a monster’s solar plexus. “I asked Jackie Lynn Thomas out today!”

“Finally!” Star smiled wryly, obliterating Big Chicken with a blast of porpoises. “Aaaaaaaaand?”

“She said YES!” he said joyously as he uppercutted a blue crocodile, barely noticing the bloody tooth that flew from its mouth and bounced off his cheek. “We’re going to the new Star Wars movie tomorrow, turns out she’s this huge closet dork. Personally, I want to see Revenant, but whatever.”

“Yeah,” Star said thoughtfully, deftly dodging a blind swipe from a flaming Deer Beard. “Save the DeCaprio movies for the second date. A little Leo gets the juices flowing, especially after you tickle her tonsils with your lightsaber!”

“Star!” Marco laughed nervously. “It’s the first date, nothing like that’s gonna happen!”

Star rolled her eyes as she rolled a monster over her shoulder and into a tree. “You haven’t heard what she says about you in the girl’s locker room.”

“…What?” Marco ducked a swinging mace.

Star smiled and winked. “Hold on a sec.” She raised her wand into the air, a low keening pierced the din of the brawl as magical energy arced and surged. “SUPER MAGICAL BORED OF THIS FIGHT BERRY BLAST!!”

“Man, she’s not even trying with the spell names anymore…” Big Chicken grumbled.

“Can you blame her? We kinda suck,” said Fly Monster.

The yard was consumed in a flash of mauve, bumble-berry scented light. When the flash dissipated the lawn was littered with twitching bodies as groans permeated air.

“Ugh!” Ludo threw his mojito in disgust and folded his lawn chair. “Not that I was expecting much from this lot, but do you two have to have irreverent banter while we’re trying to kill you?!”

Star shrugged. “Sorry Lu-dope, you guys take a back seat when The D is gonna lose his V.”

“Star!” Marco exclaimed, embarrassed.

“Lu-Dope?!” Ludo growled. “Monsters! Attack!!”

The crocodile monster held up a disembodied claw. “Uh, boss? I think Lobster Claws is dead.”

“My retina’s detached,” said another.

“I’m on fire!!”

“Oh, fine!” Ludo cut a dimensional hole with his scissors and waved his monsters through. “This isn’t over and stuff. I will return blah blah blah, whatever! Karate-Boy, tell me how the date goes!”

“I won’t!” Marco shouted as the portal closed, he spun back to Star. “You were saying?”

“Me?” Star said innocently. “I think you must have taken a bop to the head.”

“C’mon, Star!”

“Nope! Enjoy your date!” Star said, skipping towards the house and opening the door. She turned back, a knowing smile on her face. “Be sure to drink lots of Gatorade before you pick her up, I don’t want to come home to a Marco-raisin!”

Star made lewd sucking noises as she closed the door, leaving Marco flushed red and wringing his hands together. “Wasn’t I happy about this a second ago?”

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Marco paced around outside the movie theater; sweat forming on his brow despite the winter weather.

“Dammit Star!” he muttered angrily. “Why’d you have to go and ruin this for me? All I wanted to do was have a nice, chill, relaxing date with the girl of my dreams and you had to confuse me with tonsils, lightsabers and Gatorade!”

“Sounds like fun,” a voice said from behind, it was Jackie. “Hey, Diaz.”

“J-Jackie!” Marco squeaked and blushed furiously. “I, uh, I was just, uh, thinking out loud!”

“Yeah?” she said with smirk. “Sounds like you have quite the night planned for me.”

Marco cleared his throat and laughed. “No! Nothing like that, I was thinking out loud about something else.”

“Oh, too bad!” Jackie laughed and punched him on the shoulder. “I was looking forward to finding out how the Gatorade fit into things.”

Marco half-chuckled and stuttered a response before suggesting they get out of the cold and into the cinema. Two hours later and the pair walked back out of the theater, chattering excitedly to each other as they walked home.

“Oh man, that movie kicked ass!” Jackie exclaimed. “Of course, I might just be because it has to be compared to the Prequels. Perspective is important.”

“…I didn’t mind the Prequels,” Marco said bashfully. Jackie shot him a look and paused before smiling and laughing. “You get a pass, Diaz! You’re lucky you’re so pretty.”

She reached over and pinched his cheek making Marco blush and laugh nervously. “I’m sticking to my guns, I had fun with those movies and I fucking loved this one!”

Jackie laughed and picked up two sticks from the ground and handed him one, brandishing hers like a lightsaber. “Prequel-loving TRAITOR! That lightsaber belongs to me!”

Marco smiled and raised his stick. “Come and get it!”

They tapped sticks and laughed as they walked down the street, dueling in an overblown fashion. Marco leapt up onto the bench at the bus stop and parried her swings, breaking off into a backflip before landing on the ground in a fencer’s stance.

“Whoa, I give up!” Jackie dropped the stick and clapped her hands. “Sweet moves, Marco!”

Marco smiled, constant monster attacks had kept him on his toes, not to mention forced him to learn a trick or two. “Thanks, the Force is strong with me.”

“You know…” Jackie purred, snuggling up to him. “You kinda look like that sexy Ren guy. I think Darth Diaz has a ring to it.”

Marco gasped, pretending to sound offended. “I’m not some whiney tool with greasy hair!”

“Kylo Ren is sexy as fuark, Darth Diaz! If only you knew the power of the dark side!” Jackie said, showing off some rather impressive drama-school chops. “Sith are creatures of want! Of desire! Of…passion.”

She reached up, grabbing him by the collar and pulling him into a kiss. Marco’s eyes widened as he wrapped his arms around her waist, her lips were warm and soft in the cold air and he felt her tongue slip out and probe around. Marco’s eyes widened, this was farther than he’d ever gone with a girl before, doubts and insecurities whirled about in his mind. ‘ _Tongue! Oh shit, what to I do?! Stick mine out? Lick? Insert and turn counterclockwise? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA–_ ’

Jackie broke the kiss and looked up at him with a bemused expression. “Stage fright, huh? Hey, no problem, Darth. Just get over it by Friday.”

Marco blinked, his cheeks burning with embarrassment. “Why? What’s happening Friday?”

Jackie winked and pressed his nose. “Boop. Date numero dos! Maybe I’ll get you out of your shell, Diaz.”

“Who knows, I’m a tough nut to crack.” Marco said quietly.

Jackie only smiled. “There’s a ‘busting a nut’ joke in there, but I’m better than that.” She leaned in and nibbled his earlobe and whispered. “Or am I? See ya!”

Marco stammered a response, and continued to stammer as she got on the bus and it drove away. She waved to him from the rear window; he waved back, still stammering.

–––––––––––––––––––––––––

“…And that’s how the date went down.” Marco sighed and sat down, Star was hanging upside down from the bedpost, typing something on her phone. “Star?”

“Hm? Oh, sorry, I was just relaying your story to the Internet. I’m looking to replace ‘spaghetti stories’ with ‘pulling a Marco’!”

“What?!” Marco cried.

“You know,

>I was on a date with a total qt.

>We watched Star Wars and had a nerdy stick fight.

>She kissed me.

>I felt her tongue in my mouth.

>I’d never kissed a girl before.

>I panic and go stiff.

>I totally pulled a Marco

What do you think?”

“Star!” he shouted.

“Just kidding! Jeez! What do you have to worry about, she already asked you out again! You’re in! Just try not to be a totally awful kisser and an all ‘round spaghetti-lord.”

“You’re spending way too much time on the internet,” Marco said with a disgusted sigh.

“What did you think would happen? That I’d see a totally consequence-free environment and not wallow in it?” Star scoffed, noticing Marco as he sat down on her bed and buried his head in his hands. “Whoa, hey…”

She leapt down to the ground and sat down next to him. “Sorry, I didn’t know you were actually down about this.”

“Well, I am, Star!” Marco groaned. “I totally sucked at kissing tonight! Hell, I suck at kissing right now, and come Friday I’ll still suck at kissing! Jackie’s gonna think I’m a total virgin loser!”

“But you are!” Star said before correcting herself. “The first part, not the second part! Of course you suck at kissing, the only woman you’ve ever kissed was probably your grandma. Real kissing involves a lot more spit and tongue and gnashing teeth!”

“You’ve obviously never been kissed by abuelita,” Marco muttered. “Also, leave it to you to make making out sound like fighting a monster!”

“Well, not that much spit,” Star said, tapping her chin. “Actually, there’s a lot to go wrong when making out. Man! Like, this one time I was making out with Tom and he totally just starting helicoptering his tongue around in my mouth, counterclockwise! It was sooooo lame! Fresh breath is a must, and not too much spit, but you don’t want a dry mouth either, things might stick together, also knowing how to tongue wrestle is important! Nothing turns a girl off like weak mouth game! Are you writing this down?”

Marco groaned and pressed a pillow over his face. “You’re not helping, Star!” 

“I’m not?”

“No!” Marco gently tossed the pillow at her. “All you’re doing is reminding me how lame I’m going to be next time!”

“Hmmm…how will you get better by Friday if you don’t know what you’re doing?” Star said, pondering. “Remember when you couldn’t figure out that kata for karate? You spent hours talking to your senpai!”

Marco nodded and shrugged. “Yeah, but that’s different. After he showed me what to do and walked me through the steps I could practice it every day!”

Star thought for a moment and snapped her fingers. “Hey! I’ll give you the run-down, then you can just practice until you’re great!”

Marco rolled his eyes; Star had an uncanny talent for missing major logical hurdles when formulating her ideas. “Yes Star, that’s a great idea. I’ll just take notes and practice on my pillow. I’m sure Jackie won’t even notice when I fluff her face out of habit!”

Star laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. “Oh, Marco! Pillows aren’t for kissing! …I think? Earth is weird. Either way, you won’t be getting the feedback you need from a bag of goose feathers.”

Marco sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Oh, you don’t say! So, I’ll just practice on…who? Myself? You gonna clone up a smooch buddy for me?”

Star thought this prospect over for an alarmingly long period of time, a rather healthy blush settled in her cheeks as she did. “Well, if you really want to…”

“Star.”

“Yes?”

“ ** _No_**.”

“Okay.”

Star snapped her fingers and exclaimed happily. “Marco! I just had the **best** idea!”

Marco raised an eyebrow. “Yeah? Let’s hear it?”

“I know all about kissing, so I’ll be your senpai!” Star said excitedly. “Just like karate, I’ll show you the steps and we can practice! Together!”

Marco’s heart began to race, his eyes widened. “…By ‘practice’, you mean…”

Star swung her legs over his and straddled him, draping her arms over his shoulders. Before he could do anything she had leaned in locked her mouth with his. She was definitely more experienced than Jackie, or at the very least more aggressive. Her fingers coursed through his thick brown hair and she pushed her mouth into his. Mrs. Diaz opened the door and walked in, a tray with sandwiches and tall glasses of cola in her arms. Her mouth opened to say something but the words died in her throat. With a giddy smile she silently turned around and exited, quietly closing the door behind her.

“Your teeth are shut,” she muttered through the side of her lips. “Open up, Marco.”

Marco, too stunned to say anything, swallowed hard and complied. Star’s tongue darted into his mouth, tracing the front of his teeth like an inspecting finger. “Well? C’mon, take the lead! Jackie won’t want to do all the work!”

Marco blinked, the mention of Jackie snapped him out of his trance and he pushed her back with a gasp. “Star! What the hell are you doing?!”

Star blinked at him in confusion. “Teaching you how to kiss? I thought that part was pretty self-explanatory.”

“You DO realize that I’m dating Jackie now, right?”

Star cocked her head, perplexed. “Yeah…? That’s kinda the point of this whole thing we’re doing.”

“ 'This thing'? Star, you can’t just make out with people, especially if they’re dating someone else!”

“Why not!” Star exclaimed. “How else are you supposed to learn how to kiss and do dating stuff?”

Marco threw his arms up in exacerbation. “By practicing–”

“Right!” Star interrupted

“–With my girlfriend!” He finished. “Not with my girl-friend!”

Star mulled this over for a moment before clapping her hand to her forehead. “Oh! Oh, okay, I get where you’re coming from. Marco, this isn’t cheating, it’s kinda like how training with kids in your karate class isn’t really fighting! It’s just how you get good for the real thing!”

“Star, this is entirely different!”

“Is it?” she said, her face now close to his, her eyes large and unblinking. “Look, Marco. You like Jackie, right?”

Marco blinked; she was starting to creep him out a bit. “Yeah! Of course! She’s the–”

“–‘Girl of your dreams’, right. So, you want her to like you too, right?”

“Yes?”

“And you want to impress her?” She asked, her eyebrow cocked.

Marco nodded, more resolutely. “Yes.”

“You don’t want her to think you’re some kind of loser, do you?”

“No!”

“You wanna show her that you know what’s what and what to do, right off the bat!”

“Yeah!”

“Well then, if you want to really impress her, really show the time of her skater-girl life, you’ll do as I say. Trust me, Marco, I know things, magic things, and I’m gonna teach you but you have to want to learn!” Star said, her nose touching his now. “Do you want to learn?”

Marco paused, he didn’t know how to feel about all this, but he knew that he had to impress her after that embarrassing flop earlier. “Yes, I want to learn.”

“Good. Now, get comfy, you kinda suck at this and I have a lot to teach you…”

Marco nodded and drew her close, kissing her gently before drawing back. “This isn’t cheating, right?”

“No!” Star cooed, pushing him down. “It’s practice.”

“Okay…” Marco met her gaze as she pressed her forehead agaist his. “Thanks, Star.”

“That’s ‘Star-Senpai’ Diaz-san,” Star said matter-of-factly.

Marco reached up and pinched her cheek. “Don’t push your luck.”

“Eh, worth a shot.”


	2. They Call Me Remington

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder why they call him that.

Marco and Star sprinted down the dirt road, alarm klaxons roaring behind them as they fled the flaming airship sinking into the swamp. Star ran ahead of him, an ecstatic smile on her face. “Marco! I think we gave them the slip!”

            “Three! Two!” Marco panted as he tried to run faster.

            “What are you–?” Star began to say before a half dozen hypersonic darts streaked over their heads, the white-hot metal projectiles exploded as they impacted the dirt around them. “Whoa mama!”

            Marco sighed. “…One.”

            They turned to see seven armored men racing towards them, their musket-looking weapons drawn.

“Stop, heretic!” the most grandiosely armored soldier bellowed as he took aim. “Return the Aether shipment now and your execution will be painless!”

“Well, if you put it like that, I guess all I can say is…” Star said, rolling her eyes before drawing her wand in a flash, “…GLITTER GHOST GLOMP!”

A flash of green light sent a dozen shimmering plasmic ghosts streaking towards the soldiers; they fired their weapons in vain at the gelatinous creatures, which promptly tackled them screaming to the ground. The lead soldier drew a longsword edged with a hazy black substance and sliced through one of the ghosts, destroying it in a flash of light. He wasted no time resuming his rush towards them.

            “Huh. Anti-magic swords,” Star muttered, a smirk pulling at the side of her shiny lip-glossed lips. “That’s cool.”

            The charging soldier brought his sword down in a shimmering arc and would have sliced Star in half had Marco not caught him by the wrist and yanked him forward, pulling him off balance. Marco used his momentum to send the much larger man flying into the muskeg beside the road with a rich, muddy splat.

            “Star! Less admiring, more getting us out of here!” Marco said as more of the soldiers managed to draw their anti-magic swords, destroying the ghosts. “Star!”

            “Gimme a second!” Star said as she rummaged around in her pockets. “Where’d I put that Aether?”

            “Star!” Marco shouted as a half-dozen very large, well-armed men charged at them.

            “Here it is!” she said, producing a dimly glowing teal cube and tapped it to her dimensional scissors. “Fully charged!”

            Star jammed the scissor blades into the ground and dove towards Marco, skidding in between his legs, opening a portal beneath the two of them. As Marco fell through he flipped off the oncoming soldiers. “Eat shit, fascists!”

            The soldiers stood around the now empty space, the leader tromped up to them, mud and filth squelching out of his boots with each step, rotting grass and peat clinging to his formerly pristine armor. “They flew off in a battleship.”

            “Sir?”

            “The one hundred highly trained mercenaries that attacked us,” he said firmly. “They stole the Aether and took off in a flying battleship.”

            “Yes sir!” said one.

            “At least a hundred, sir,” agreed another.

            “Also, a dragon.”

            The leader nodded fervently. “Right, a hundred dragon mercenaries in a flying battleship!”

            _________________

 

            Back on Earth, in Star’s room, a portal opened up above the ‘princess-sized’ mattress, Star and Marco fell out and bounced on the soft springs, panting and laughing as much out of amusement as they were out of relief.

            “Oh, man!” Star gasped between gales of laughter. “The looks on their faces! It’s that special minion expression, you know, that ‘I’m so fired’ look, it’s just…” Star made a bellissimo gesture, “Mwah!”

            Marco giggled and slapped his knee. “We almost died! Ha! But we didn’t!”

            As their laughter died down, Star held up the Aether cube. “Well, this’ll last me a while.”

            “What is it?” Marco said, rolling onto his belly. “Must have been pretty valuable for those guys to want it back so badly.”

            “Aether? Oh, it’s just a power source. Like oil on earth, it kind of powers everything over there. This little cube could light up a whole city for a year! I knock over their caravans every so often, it’s kind of a thing we do.” Star toyed with the cube for a moment, wiping some cool sweat from her brow. “Now all I want is a sword that cuts magic. Maybe I should gank one of those next time.”

            Marco looked at his watch and cleared his throat. “Well, if you’re heading back tonight, count me out. I have a second date with Jackie to prepare for! I need a shower, I’m pretty sure Old Spice doesn’t cover terror sweat.”

            He got up to leave when he felt a hand close on his wrist. He looked over and saw Star staring back at him, a mischievous smile on her disheveled, dirt-smeared face. “Aren’t you forgetting something, Diaz-san?”

            Marco felt a blush settle in his cheeks, it had been three days since his first date with Jackie and his rather embarrassing bungling of the goodnight kiss. Since then Star had been teaching him how to make out like a pro. Not that he was complaining, but she was a little more ‘hands on’ than a friend ought to be, but he couldn’t argue with the results, he was confident that he would wow Jackie on their date tonight…but it never hurt to be sure. Safe Kid and all.

            “Uh, Star,” he said, sitting down next to her. “Real talk, how am I doing on the whole kissing front?”

            Star tapped her chin and pretended to mull the question over. “Well…honestly, you’re doing great! You’re more assertive and you move around and really get in there. Now, some girls may not like the deep tongue stuff, so always do a tester before going full-on tonsil-tasting.” Star reached up and pressed his nose. “Also, you swallow your drool before going at it. That’s good, no girl wants to be one of those jars in old western movies, with ‘ptoo-ping!’ sound.”

            “A spittoon,” Marco said with a smile. “Also, gross. That’s a real nice mental image you put together there.”

            Star laughed and lay down on the bed, resting her head on Marco’s lap. “Seriously though, you’ve been doing great. If anything, you should back off a bit. You gotta hide your power level, Diaz-san! It’d be weird if you totally suck one date and find her mouth g-spot the next!”

            Marco blinked in surprise, his voice hushed and wondrous. “Girls have a g-spot in their mouths?”

            Star stared at Marco for a moment before patting his cheek. “You’re cute when you’re stupid.”

            Marco blushed and cleared his throat. “So, if I’m that good already, we…don’t need to practice anymore?”

            “I didn’t say that…” Star purred, reaching up and pulling his face down to hers. “You have much to learn, Diaz-san-kohai-desu-chan. Leave it to Star-Senpai…”

            Marco leaned down, his eyes becoming distant and half-lidded. “I told you not to push your luck.”

            Their mouths met, he could taste the sweet bubblegum of her Lip-Smackers™ as well as the tang of her sweat. He breathed deep though his nose (rule number four: breathing is key), taking in her scent. Star loved sweet perfumes and deodorants, often to the point of practically bathing in them, but this recent near-death experience had quite literally scared most of the saccharine off of her. He could smell her natural scent beneath the leftovers and felt his heart begin to pound. He cupped his hand under her head and pulled her close, his tongue sliding into her mouth. Star responded by sitting up from his lap and straddling him, draping her arms over his shoulders and pulling her mouth away from his. She began tracing his jawline and the nape of his neck with quick delicate kisses. Marco moaned as she nuzzled into his neck and shoulder, lightly biting and sucking his skin.

            “Whoa…” he gasped, feeling his pants begin to tighten. “That feels awesome.”

            Star smiled and took his head in her hands, their eyes meeting. Without another word they drew one another into a passionate embrace, lips and tongues meeting as they ‘practiced’. Without thinking, Marco’s hands grasped her midsection and, just as impulsively, Star ground her hips into his lap. Marco moaned in pleasure as his groin reacted to the pressure, Star continued to grind. His hands inched up her body until they lighted upon her chest, giving her admittedly modest bosom a slow, gentle squeeze. Star cried out and wrapped her arms around him, squeezing herself into his body. She pulled away from him, a nearly vermillion blush had settled in her cheeks, her skin shone with perspiration.

            “W-well…” she stammered, her voice husky and somewhat choked. “Looks like you’ve-uh-looks like you’ve got the hang of things.”

            “Yeah,” Marco said, suddenly aware of just how carried away they had gotten. “I guess I have a good teacher.”

            “Only the best for my bestie!” Star said, laughing nervously, her eyes drifting down to his lap. “Huh. Hey Marco, weren’t you gonna take a shower?”

            Marco raised his eyebrow in confusion. “Yeah? I was definitely going to now, I can’t go on a date smelling like a bubble-gum pomegranate.”

            She simply blushed and pointed down to his lap, on which she was still half-seated. “Might want to make it a cold one, Diaz-san.”

            Marco looked down to see his erection straining against his dark grey jeans. He shot to his feet with a yelp; Star had been quick enough to scoot off of his lap and onto the bed, a playful grin on her face. “Looks like I did a number on you, huh?”

            Marco picked up a pillow and hid his tent, blushing furiously. “Hey, I’m not the one that practically screamed!”

            She rolled her eyes and waved dismissively. “Whatever, Totem-Pole, they’re sensitive, so don’t grab my tits out of nowhere. That goes for your date, too; you can’t just climb onto a girl’s balcony, you have to be invited first!”

            Marco sighed and nodded. “Right…sorry about that.”

            “Pssh! Don’t be, it’s not like it hurt or anything,” Star said, her eyes darting down to the pillow. “So…uh…wanna get rid of that?”

            Marco blinked and looked down and back to her, laughing nervously. “Ha! R-right, I gotta shower up anyway! Cold showers ahoy! See ya!”

            Star watched him as he raced out the door, a severely unimpressed look on her face. “…Git yo fine ass back here…”

 

            __________________

 

            The snow fell gently from the darkening sky, the street lamps illuminating golden cones of gently tumbling flakes. The air was cold, but not too cold, if anything it was warming up. This snow was actually pretty unusual for Echo Creek and California in general. Snowfall and precipitation was the last thing on Marco’s mind, though. On one hand he was confident that he would knock Jackie’s socks off, but not too much, just a little. Enough to make her curious and want to see how much he knew. But on the other hand…what? He couldn’t quite put his finger on what was bothering him. His thoughts raced back to earlier, the noises she had made, the feel of her breasts beneath his hands, would he be thinking about Jackie tonight or…?

Uh-oh.

Yeah. That was probably it.

            Marco snapped out of his daze when felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to see who was there: it was no one. He turned back, only to have Jackie swoop in beside him and plant a light kiss on his cheek. Her hand grasped his hip and pulled him close. “Hey, Darth Diaz! What’s up?”

            Marco smiled and put his arm over her shoulder. He hadn’t quite noticed how beautiful she was in this light, the cold had brought a rosy color to her nose and lightly freckled cheeks, her hair, light blonde, seemed almost gold in the low light of the street lamp save for the teal streak. He remembered earlier that year during a family reunion his abuelita patted him on the head and pointed to Jackie as she rode by on her skateboard, she told him to stay away from her, calling her a tow-headed _perra_ that would suck _verga_ for pennies. Mom and Dad hurriedly wheeled her away to insult and belittle the rest of the assembled family.

            “Yo! Earth to Diaz!” Jackie said, snapping her fingers. “You in there, Marco?”

            Marco shook his head and chuckled. “I’m here, I’m here! Just…well, I reserved a place and I wanted to surprise you. I hope you like Italian.”

            “Well, only if I can have Mexican for dessert,” Jackie said with a wink.

            Marco flushed red, trying his best to play it cool. “Seriously though. I can cancel and find another place, no one’s eating out this time of year.”

            Jackie smiled mischievously and muttered under her breath. “Well, the night is still young.”

            “What?”

            “Marco, Italian is more than fine. If I could, I’d _breathe_ alfredo sauce.” She took him by the elbow. “Lead the way.”

            The two of them walked in the snow to a nearby Olive Garden, Marco stood next to the door and did a ridiculously dramatic bow as he opened the door for her. Jackie giggled and sauntered in like an indifferent royal. A disinterested waiter handed them their menus and a basket of breadsticks, allegedly endless and endlessly unappetizing. Marco looked out at his date and his jaw dropped; free from her bulky winter wear he could see that she was wearing a well-fit low-cut shirt so thin as to be almost lacy. Her seashell necklace was now resting firmly between the visible cleavage of her overdeveloped breasts; in the instant before he tore his eyes away, he could see that she had the same light freckles there that she had on her cheeks.

            Marco coughed and began to speak when Jackie stood up from the table. “I gotta hit up the ladies room. Don’t go anywhere.”

            “Oh, don’t worryyyyyyuuuuh…” Marco saw that in addition to the low cut shirt, which also bared her midriff, she was also rocking what appeared to be Daisy Duke jean-shorts, showing off her long, shapely, and surprisingly muscular legs. She smiled in return and walked away, or perhaps it was more of a sashay? A saunter at the very least. “Yeah, wild horses couldn’t drag me away!”

            Jackie glanced over her shoulder and saw him looking, she then ‘accidentally’ knocked a fork off of a table, apologizing to the three teenagers at the table as she bent over and gave her date a show. Marco suddenly answered the question from earlier with absolutely certainty: Jackie, he would be thinking about Jackie tonight.

            Marco looked up to see one of the guys at the table turn around and give him a thumbs-up, clearly impressed. His friend across the table craned his neck to follow Jackie as she made off for the bathroom, ogling the much younger girl. The guy at the end of the table swatted him on the head with a menu, obviously disgusted.

            When Jackie returned she sat down and cracked open the menu. “Those bathrooms are a nightmare!”

            Marco shrugged. “Yeah, I guess I should have said “Italian” quote-unquote.”

            Jackie waved her hand dismissively, picking up a breadstick. “Hey, this place isn’t so bad. Check it: unlimited breadsticks!” She took a bite out of the dry yet somehow moist yeast stick and her face fell instantly. She put the stick down and pushed it away, chewing and swallowing her unfortunate mouthful with a grimace.

            Marco laughed put the half-eaten bread back in the basket, which he then put on the floor. “Yeah, you know, I think that’s actually meant to be a threat.”

            Jackie chuckled and deepened her voice comically. “You will tip 30% or else…” she reached down and grabbed a breadstick, pointing it at Marco. “…Unlimited Breadsticks! Our name is Legion, for we are many!”

            Marco recoiled and pulled out his wallet. “Anything but that! Take my money!”

            They laughed and banished the hated breadsticks back from whence they came. They then opened their menus and discussed the various meals. Marco ordered the chicken parmigiana while Jackie ordered the shrimp alfredo.

            “Hey,” Jackie said leaning over the table, her voice lowering to a whisper. “See that guy over there with two other dudes, on the far side of the table?”

            Marco glanced over and nodded, Mr. Busy-Eyes noticed and raised an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

            “Well, I saw him at a party in the summer. He was totally macking on Janna!”

            “What! He’s so old, like, college or something!” Marco exclaimed, looking daggers at the weirdo, who retreated behind a liquor menu as his friends dipped their fingers in water and flicked it at him. Marco was used to fighting monsters, he could tell that this guy was no threat. Just a weirdo that perved on younger girls.

            Jackie shrugged. “She didn’t seem to mind.”

            “Yeah, well, I guess she just has terrible taste in guys,” Marco muttered, his mind racing back to all the times Janna had pocketed something of his as some kind of ploy to get him to talk to her. He admitted to himself that he’d probably like hanging out with her if she weren’t such a rough edge all the time.

            Jackie reached across the table and punched him playfully on the arm. “Hey, don’t sell yourself short, kid!”

           

            An unimpressive meal later and they were back out on the street, Jackie having returned to her much less revealing winter clothes, but the damage was done, Marco knew what lie beneath. He knew, and he vowed to himself that he’d see it again. Once again, he walked her to the bus station, and once again they were waiting in the cold.

            “So,” Jackie said, turning to him. “Review of the OG in EC, by Foodie Marco Diaz.”

            “Uh,” Marco cleared his throat and donned a snobbish accent. “Overall, the overbearing Italian stereotype failed to cover the sheer, determined apathy of the service-people. The food itself resembled pasta and was even edible, much to my surprise. Naturally, as with all trips to the Olive Garden, the final verdict must wait one week after consumption, when the food has finally been digested and passed. Only when the damage has been properly assessed can a score be given. Interestingly, the breadsticks were a pleasant surprise in that I didn’t even need to break out a crucifix or holy water.”

            Jackie broke into gales of laughter and stooped over, Marco stepped up and put a hand on her shoulder. When she finally regained control of herself she stood back up straight, wiping tears from her eyes as she looked at Marco, adopting a thick vaguely Austrian accent. “You’re a funny guy, Diaz. I like you. That’s why I’m gonna kill you last.”

            Marco, acting entirely on impulse, stepped forward and kissed her hard. Jackie’s eyes went wide as his tongue pushed into her mouth; he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her into a tight embrace. She finally got over her surprise and returned the kiss, their tongues played passionately as they explored each other, his warm hands hooped around the small of her back as hers reached up grasped his neck and ran through his hair. Marco breathed deeply; her scent was sweet and heady like Star’s, but entirely different. They stayed locked together for a few more moments before Jackie pulled away, gasping.

            “Jeez, Darth! Let a girl breathe, huh?”

            Marco smiled. “I just do it through my nose…so, how was that?”

            Jackie laughed and pulled herself close to him. “It’s weird that you completely dropped the ball the first time and now, three days later, you’re giving me pointers!”

            He simply shrugged, hoping his poker face was as good as his food critic voice. “You just surprised me and I froze up. I actually don’t suck at this sort of thing.”

            Jackie’s eyebrow rose at this assertion. “Oh ‘this sort of thing’? I see, I see…”

            She leaned forward and kissed him gently, slowly progressing back into tongue play. Marco’s eyes widened as he returned the kiss only to have his tongue sucked into her mouth where she began to…do something with it, something _amazing_. Marco pulled back in surprise; there was a self-satisfied look on her face. So fast, the tables have turned.

            “Whuh?” he mumbled.

            “Just a preview for next time,” she said in sing-song, before adding. “Think what I just did with your tongue, but…lower.”

            Marco blushed beet-red as she leaned in a pecked him on the cheek, whispering. “I’ve got a big school project this week, but my parents are out of town next weekend. Be there at eight.”

 

____________________

 

            “Whoa-ho-HO!” Star exclaimed, slapping her thigh. “Marco, you are in for a wild ride! She’s just all up into you, huh?”

            Marco smiled as he stretched out on the beanbag chair, unable to remember a time he felt more excited. “She may have dropped a hint or two, yes. She’s very subtle, what with the tongue-thing.”

            Star hung her head over side of the bed kicked her feet in the air. “I hope you’re ready for the most mind blowing thirty seconds of your life.”

            “Thirty seconds?” Marco scoffed. “I’ll have you know I clock in at a very respectable two and a half minutes, thank you very much.”

            Star laughed and shot a finger gun at him “Yeah, them’s braggin’ rights! Folks call me Remington, because I’m a two-pump chump!”

            A long awkward silence passed between the two of them, broken when Marco said: “What do you mean?”

            Star shrugged and gesticulated nervously. “Well, you see, a Remington shotgun only has two barrels, right? So, it only gets two off before it’s useless, kinda like a dick is useless after it cums, so it’s like a shotgun after only two shots. And Remington is a people name, but also a gun name so it…you see…okay, so it’s not my best joke, sue me!”

            “No, no, not that,” Marco clarified. “Is two and a half minutes not…good?”

            Star could see the desperation in Marco’s eyes; hers glinted as an idea raced through her mind. “…Well…not really? I mean, you gotta keep going long enough for the girl to cum, and you’re…well, not too, _too_ far off.”

            Marco rushed over to her on his hands and knees, his eyes wide and panicked. “How far off? How long does it take?”

            Star answered honestly…ish, “Depends on the girl, but usually about fifteen to twenty minutes.”

            Marco felt his heart drop, he had no idea girls need so much build-up (it had always seemed so easy in porn…) and he had only known how long it took him to finish from watching the streaming videos Nudevista helped him scrounge up. He felt the fraying, spasmodic beginnings of a freak out begin to build in his anxious mind. ‘ **Fifteen** _to_ **twenty** _minutes?! I can’t even last three, and that’s with my hand and low-res porn! I probably wouldn’t even last thirty seconds with Jackie! Shit, I won’t even last ten! All that good shit I talked and I’m going to fuck up even worse than before!_ ”

            Seeing Marco’s nearly catatonic state, Star continued. “Yeah, why do you think women invented the beej or the handy? I mean, sure, usually it’s for when we’re not in the mood, but as an early screening process it can’t be beat! Heh-heh…‘beat’. Punintentional. Anyway, a quick shot is easy to sift out with a BJ or a rub down without getting to far into things.”

            Marco groaned in despair and fell over onto his side, hands pulling at his hair. “Oh God, what am I going to do?!”

            He felt a feather-light hand light on his shoulder, a low husky voice purred in his ear. “You? You don’t have to do a thing, Marco Diaz.”

            “Star? Wh–?” Marco began to say before Star pulled him onto his back, resting his head on her lap.

She set a finger on his lips to silence him. “Look, things are gonna get a little weird, even a little wild, but I need you to trust me, Marco. This is just like the kissing stuff, only all I need you to do is let me know when you get close.”

“Close to what?” Marco asked nervously. “Star, what are y–”

Without a hint of subtlety or grace, Star thrust her hand down the front of his jeans, grasping his flaccid member in her soft, warm hand. Marco yelped in surprise as she began to squeeze and stroke him, her hand was so much lighter and more delicate than his.

“S-Star…” he gasped, his voice shaky. “Don’t stop.”

“I won’t,” she said with a smile. “So, do you trust me to help you through this?”

“Yes!” he grunted, bucking his hips as she gripped him harder. “I trust you!”

“Good. Now, let’s see what kind of D Diaz has!” She crawled in between his legs and unbuttoned his jeans and unzipped his fly. Then, hooking her fingers under his underwear, she pulled his pants and boxer down his legs. Star felt something warm and heavy thud against her chin as his erection sprang out. “Heh…uh, whoa.”

Marco’s cock stood proudly from his groin, at is base was a sparse patch of black hair. Star gasped and wrapped her hands around it; she was barely able to encircle it with her thumb and forefinger and even with both her hands grasping the shaft the entire head still protruded out the top. Marco blinked in confusion at her expression. “What? What’s wrong?”

Star grasped his cock at the base and waved it around, giggling as she felt its weight. “Nothing wrong, just a little surprising. See, I always figured you for a broadsword or a cutlass, a claymore at the most, but you have a straight up zweihander here, Marco!”

“…What?”

Star tightened her grip on his shaft and began to stroke, her fingers gently squeezing the head at the top making Marco gasp in pleasure. “You got a big dick, D.”

“Really?” Marco said eagerly. “That’s good, right?”

“It can be, but only if you can last long enough to use it. But you just leave that part to Good Ol’ Star.” She leaned forward and took his head into her mouth. Marco moaned and squirmed as she gently ran her tongue across his head, she stuffed more into her hot wet mouth as shiny beads of drool ran down his shaft. As she sucked his head her hand worked up and down, spreading the drool around for lubrication. Star released his glans from her mouth with a ‘pop’ and began to run her tongue up and down his shaft, her hand now gliding across the slick member with greater speed.

“H-holy shit, Star!” Marco exclaimed breathily. “Don’t fucking stop!”

Star smiled and went lower, her hand still busily working his long thick shaft. She licked a trail down his ballsack before taking one of the orbs into her mouth, lolling it about with her tongue. Marco groaned and began to buck his hips; Star felt his balls begin to tighten and licked back up the shaft and to the head. Star looked up at Marco, her big blue eyes meeting his deep, intense browns, and winked. She opened wide and pushed forward, more and more of the cock slipped past her lips, over her tongue and into the back of her throat. He brow furrowed as she pushed farther, her throat opening up as more and more of his thick cock entered. Suddenly, she felt his hands on the back of her head as his cock began to twitch.

“Oh God! Star! I’m-I–” Marco grunted like a bull as he came, waves of pleasure washed over him as he buried himself in her warm wet mouth, pumping his seed directly down her throat.

Star managed to pull herself off his cock in time to catch a tapering spurt of Marco’s cum on her tongue, it was bitter and a little metallic, causing her to grimace: first thing tomorrow she’d make him some pineapple and mango smoothies. She looked up at her exhausted friend; his eyes were dazed as he panted flat on his back, his impressive cock wilting in her hands. She wiped off her chin and crawled up his body, snuggling up to him and nuzzling his cheek.

“So…” Marco panted. “How long was that?”

“Dunno, didn’t keep track,” she said. “Mwap-wah.”

“Was it long enough?” Marco said, concerned.

Star smiled to herself. “Still a little quick. But I feel that with a bit of experience and a lot training, you’ll be able to get yourself under control.”

“And by ‘a lot of training’ you mean…?” Marco said, grinning.

“Oh, Marco! You have a lot to learn before next weekend. But don’t worry, I’ve got your back.” Star said, pulling herself closer to him. “I’ve got you…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, so that's why. Lame.  
> For those of you that are wondering, about two minutes.  
> So, I wanted to go with a slightly more detailed writing style with this chapter. Let me know what you think.


	3. Uh-Oh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's a dumb choice for a chapter title

 

            “Mom! I’m home!” Marco called out as he locked the door behind him. “Mr. Collins dropped me off this time, just so you know!”

            He stood around at the doorway, his gi neatly folded under his arm. Mr. Collins’ son Richie took the same classes as Marco, and while he wasn’t exactly friends with Richie, he didn’t dislike him. Marco cleared his throat and called again. “Mom?”

            No answer.

            “Huh, she must be out,” he muttered to himself as he kicked off his boots and walked up the stairs to his room, knocking on Star’s door as he walked by. “Hey Star, you down for some nachos later?”

            He was already at his door when he noticed that she hadn’t answered. “Star? Are you out too? ‘Why yes, Marco, I’m out too, good of you to ask’…really showing off the ol’ brainfund there, bud.”

            Marco knocked again, slowly opening the door. “Star? Nachos?”

            The room was empty; Star was out too, it seemed. Marco tapped his chin in contemplation; Star almost never went dimension hopping without him. Then again, she had been acting a little weird(er) lately, ever since…yeah, _that_. She hadn’t been bluffing when she promised ‘lots of practice’ either, just about every day for five days now and he was beginning to feel a little run down. Thinking about… _it_ made him uncomfortable, the kissing lessons was one thing but this was completely different! This was…well, no point in beating around the bush; his best friend in the world was regularly and happily sucking his dick under some sort of ridiculous pretense of ‘practice’! It was stupid and weird and probably in violation of some kind of friend-code. But on the other hand, a pretty blonde girl with magic powers was sucking his dick…a _lot_. He’d always wonder if it was right or wrong and agonize a bit, sure, but as soon as she nibbled his ear all his reluctance and hang-ups and moral objections went flying out the window without so much as a fond farewell or tip of the hat. Not to mention Star could suck a monkey through fifty feet of rubber tubing and did this amazing thing with her tongue that…er…anyway, for now, he was somewhat content to blame it all on hormones and hope that the mess would sort itself out. Somehow.

            Marco sat down on Star’s bed and buried his head in his hands. “I have lost control over my life…”

            He rolled onto his belly, pushing his face into her blankets. They smelled of her perfume, like everything did, but under that he could detect her true scent, the true Star. He inhaled deeply, involuntarily, and felt a rush of heat flood into his cheeks and…elsewhere. His eyes snapped open and he tore himself away from the bed, he swung his legs over the edge and shook his head, willing the incipient boner in his pants back down. Once he had willed enough thoughts of naked old women and aspic herring into his mind to banish the primal urges, he leaned forward and exhaled, his cheeks rosy.

            “Nope. Not gonna. Nope. Don’t wanna. Do wanna. I wanna. I really wanna do. Damn it, damn it, damn it!” Marco seethed to himself. “I hate being a teenager.”

            A sharp ripping sound cut through the air as the tips of dimensional scissors sliced a line through the fabric of reality, a shimmering portal opened and Star tumbled out in a heap, the scissors remained lodged in the space-time rift. Marco rushed forward and helped her to her feet, she was once again disheveled and a covered in bruises and scrapes, in her arms she clutched a large sword and scabbard.

            “Star!” Marco exclaimed.

            “Marco?” she muttered wearily.

            “HERETIC!!” an inhumanly loud voice bellowed through the portal. “Return the Sword of Aegis and face your EXECUTION!!”

            Marco’s stared at Star incredulously. “You actually went back for the–”

            Star lifted the large broadsword over her head and cackled. “ANTI-MAGIC SWORD BOOOIIIII!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!”

            “You enjoy pissing them off, don’t you?”

            “Mmh-hmm!” Star nodded and tackled him to the ground as a massive hypervelocity projectile shrieked through the portal, blowing a hole as big as a man’s torso in the wall. Before Marco could open his mouth to complain an enormous metal arm nearly ten feet long reached through the portal. It searched about frantically, upending furniture and gouging the hardwood floor with its five-inch talons.

            The voice carried through the portal like a thunderclap; Marco could almost feel his teeth rattling in his head. “You will not escape me this time, Mewman! We have fought your ilk before, and we have won time and again! Your blasphemous magic and feeble bauble will not avail you! You will die before these eyes and you’ll know that it is I, Captain Hiram Gaunt, who encompasses your doom!!”

            “ _Dune_ , Frank Herbet, 1965,” Marco said flatly. “And this is for the hole in the wall, Vladimir!”

            “No, see, my name is Hir–” ‘Captain Hiram Gaunt’ clarified as Marco adroitly reached over and snatched the scissors, closing the portal and severing it cleanly. Sparks and flashes shot out of the cut end, wires and servos spat and whirred as the mechanism died, the enormous fingers twitched and fell still.

            “They have robots?” Marco asked, kicking the arm. “Why do they use swords if they have guns and robots?”

            “Actually they’re more like a mecha, there’s a pilot inside and everything.” Star unsheathed the sword and looked over it, her eyes glittering. “I’m going to slice up soooo much stuff with this thing!”

            “Oh, and I suppose the mecha have giant swords, too!” Marco said, looking over the damage to the room. “Because that makes sense!”

            “Hey, say what you want about the Confederation, they know how to wreck stuff in style!” Star said, leveling the sword at him. “Also, shut up, swords are awesome.”

            “Careful with that!” Marco reached over and took the sword, examining the craftsman ship and the temper of the blade. The edge was a pure, almost shiny white that snapped to black when the handle was grasped, a dim humming could be heard as energy crackled through it. “Yeah, I guess this thing _is_ pretty cool. What did he call it, the Sword of Ages or something?”

            “Who cares? From now on it’s called Muh Dick.”

            The arm sprang to life, thrashing about violently on the ground; a cannon popped out of its wrist and began to fire randomly. Star and Marco screamed and leapt back, Star started blasting it with her wand as Marco frantically struck it with the sword.

                                                FIVE MINUTES LATER

            Star reached over and scooped up a handful of nachos, resting her head against the floral print pillows she had wrapped around the giant robotic arm, the TV played some weird show about lesbian rocks. “Good idea, Marco. This thing makes a great backrest.”

            Marco shrugged. “It also literally weighs a ton, like, an actual ton. I’m not moving that. Besides…” he snapped his fingers and held out his hand, the mechanical hand craned over and handed him a drink, which he took. “…It’s got one hell of a cup holder.”

            The hand clunked down on the floor despondently, Marco snapped his fingers and pointed sharply. “A-bup-bup! No sulking, paper beats rock, you lost fair and square!”

            The hand turned away from him and tapped in irritation, Marco sighed and rolled his eyes. “Just our luck to get saddled with Thing’s moody older brother.”

            A resounding ‘thwack’ drew his attention; he turned to see star slicing slabs off of a bowling ball with the sword. The hard epoxy yielded as though it were cheese, each round segment clunking loudly on the floor as she sliced. Star withdrew the blade and examined the edge, smiling when she saw that it was completely unharmed. She resumed cutting. “There’s something weirdly satisfying about this. It’s almost therapeutic.”

            “Star, where did you get that bowling ball?”

            “Found it,” she said innocently.

            “Where?” Marco asked.

            “A closet.” Star continued cutting, the slices of bowling ball were getting finer.

            “ _Whose_ closet?” Marco persisted.

            Star cleared her throat and was silent, slicing yet another section off the ball.

            “My dad’s closet. That’s his bowling ball. Star! You can’t just destroy other people’s stuff for fun!” Marco threw up his hands.

            “Oh, come on! I did it all the time back home, it’s a little something we Mewmans call ‘pillaging’.”

            Marco slapped his forehead. “Star, please! I’m gonna have a hard enough time as it is explaining all the cannon-holes Lefty made!”

            ‘Lefty’ shot Marco a one-finger salute and Star blew a raspberry. “I told you, Marco, I took care of that!”

            “Putting a bunch of One Direction posters over the holes isn’t ‘taking care’ of it! Mom and Dad are going to notice the debris and shell casings and then they’ll confiscate your scissors again.”

            Star waved gestured dismissively. “I summoned a bunch of mice-people to clean up the place and fix the walls. The posters are just there to keep cats away. Zyne Malik’s lickable face is like a cat forcefield!”

            Marco looked over to see a bunch of disheartened mice-people shuffling around, picking up bits of drywall as one of the posters undulated with activity. “You know he left the band, right? Also, they don’t look too happy.”

            “Them? Nah, they’re indentured servants. This is what happens when you steal cheese from the royal pantry, right fellas?”

            A mouse bowed, taking his disheveled hat into his paws, his accent was thick and vaguely Eastern European. “We will fulfill our fifty year contract to the Butterfly Dynasty with a quiet dignity. But since we mice only live three-or-so years, the debt will be passed onto our offspring and our offspring’s offspring and so on.”

            Horrified, Marco turned to Star, who was happily munching on a handful of nachos. “Okay, Star…we’re going to have to have a long, _long_ talk about civil rights and the emancipation proclamation. So long as you’re in America, hell, so long as you’re in _my house_ , you don’t get to own slaves, much less multiple generations of them!”

            Star eyed him up, licking cheese grease off her fingers. “Yeah?”

            He nodded, returning her stare. “Yeah, Star! That’s not okay!”

            Star sighed and rested her head on his shoulder. “So you want us to have a long, boring, ‘Star is not respecting the existential rights of others’ talk about cultural differences and other stupid stuff? Can’t we just eat nachos and watch Steven Universe instead?”

            “No, look, free the slaves and pay them. We have cheese in the fridge, I’m pretty sure the if we ration it properly, we can–”

            “I have a better idea.” With that Star leaned in and began nuzzling his neck, her clean, even teeth lightly nipping his skin, sending electric waves of pleasure through his body.

Marco gasped and shuddered, feeling his already lacking willpower begin to wane. “A-ah! Star, no! You’re not getting out of this so easily!”

            “What?” she muttered huskily into his ear. “You want me to…stop?”

            She punctuated the last word with a firm squeeze of his cock through his pants. Any argument or ideal Marco had been pursuing evaporated as his whole body suffused with fire, a tingly heat that race through his veins and left him lightheaded. She giggled and started nibbling on his ear. Marco looked up to the top of the TV, he saw a mouse-man clad in ragged clothes glaring at him. “I-I’m sorry.”

            “There are no heroes left in man,” the mouse-worker intoned sadly, turning his back and shuffling back to the worksite.

            Marco felt something tap his shoulder; he turned to see Lefty giving him a thumbs-up. He shrugged internally, might as well go with it this time…again. Marco pushed against Star until he was leaning over her.

            “Ooh, Marco, taking the lead this ti–” He silenced her with his mouth over hers, taking everything he’d learned and using it against her. Star returned the kiss and encircled his neck with her arms; Marco caressed her waist with a delicate hand, drifting up and over her breast. Star moaned and grabbed him by the wrist, leading his hand down and under her shirt. He gasped as he felt her warm, smooth skin under his fingers, once again he traced up her body until he found the soft swell of her breasts, she wasn’t wearing a bra. They were firm and supple and apparently really sensitive, he gave them a gentle squeeze with a cupped hand and Star squeaked, her hand clenched a handful of hair in an almost painful grip. He did the same with his other hand, cupping and massaging her breasts until she was squirming and mewling beneath him, muttering encouragement into his ear as he gently bit the nape of her neck. Star’s fingers snaked up and under Marco’s hoodie and undershirt and, with a bit of cajoling, lifted both up and over his head, exposing his bare chest. She gave a shuddering sigh and ran her fingers over his abs and up onto his chest, he was thin, sure, but not bony. Karate and monster fighting had given him muscle, and his natural ranginess had evolved into a toned, wiry build. She grabbed his hips and pulled him back down to her, their mouths met as she drew him into an embrace.

            Acting half on impulse and half on instinct, Marco slid his hand down slowly and steadily and reached up her skirt. He explored tentatively, his fingers brushed over the floral pattern of her panties. He felt something soft and hot at the crux of her thighs, even through the fabric he could feel dampness and the soft give of her sex. Star inhaled sharply and tensed up, her hand shot down and grabbed his wrist. Marco understood that he had gone too far and tried to pull his hand way, but to his surprise Star held it where it was. After a tense moment, Marco spoke. “Star?”

            Star looked up at him, her cheeks were bright pink and her hearts were almost scarlet. “Just…don’t stop. Whatever happens, happens? Okay?”

            Marco paused, he honestly couldn’t imagine hitting the breaks now. He nodded and kissed her again; Star guided his hand up to the waistband of her panties and slid it under them. Marco’s heart thundered as he felt her, as his fingers drifted over the stiff bump at the top Star cried out. Marco kept his word and continued down, tracing the folds of her entrance, he marshaled his courage and pushed, feeling his fingers sink into her tight wetness. Star moaned as his middle finger sunk in and curled upwards, sending spasms of pleasure through her body.

            “M-Marco!” Star said, biting her lip. “Just like that, keep doing that!”

            Marco did, making a slow, gentle ‘come hither’ motion with his finger. Remembering the bump and how she had reacted when he touched it, not to mention a having ‘researched’ this sort of thing, Marco pressed down on it with his thumb, rubbing it with slow, steady circular motions. Just as he began to feel his forearm and hand begin to cramp up, Star’s breath hitched as she clung to his body, her nails dug into his back painfully. Her hips bucked and she let out a single strangled cry before falling back against Lefty, her chest rising and falling as she stared vacantly at the ceiling.

            Marco heard fingers snapping and turned to see Lefty giving him the OK-signal. Marco scowled and turned away, only to see a line of mice sharing a nacho, apparently having watched the whole thing. Four were holding scorecards which had 8s and 9s on them, except for one who was holding a sign that read ‘ **Революция** **!** **Обезглавь** **угнетателей!** **!** ' When alerted to his mix-up, the mouse flipped it around to reveal a 9.5.

            Star’s hand shot up and grabbed Marco, pulling him down on top of her. “Holy shit, Marco! Where’d you learn to do that?!”

            “Dunno, I just…did it? I guess I’m a natural,” Marco said unconvincingly.

            Star looked at him for a beat before saying: “Porn?”

            “Well, yeah…”

            “Nice one, Marco! Now, let me do something for you…” Star said as she gestured for him to lie down. With a single swift motion, she unbuttoned his pants and pulled them off along with his underwear. His erection sprang free and bobbed in the air for a moment, a series of ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’ sounded from the mouse audience.

            “Will you guys piss off?!” Marco said, swatting in the general direction of the mice.

            A piece of fabric plopped over his head, Marco pulled it off and examined it: it was Star’s shirt. He looked up at Star as she stood over him, hooking her thumbs under the waistband of her skirt.

            Marco’s mouth hung open. “Star…”

            “Shhh…” she said with a smile, kicking off her skirt, her panties were still on. “We’re not doing _that_ just yet.” She lowered herself down onto his lap, reaching down and pressing his cock against her belly, rubbing it gently. “Besides, I think I need a little more prep-time for this thing.”

            Star leaned forward, Marco moaned as his dick was sandwiched between their bodies. She lay flat against his body, her breasts pressed against his chest. Star angled her hips downward, grinding her clit against his twitching member, Marco reached up and grabbed her rear and bucked his hips upward. Star leaned in and kissed him passionately, rhythmically grinding into him. A sheen of sweat formed between them and they quickened the pace, gasping and grunting as they edged closer and closer. Star sighed in ecstasy as pleasure washed over her gyrating body, she pulled herself close to Marco, holding him as tightly as possible. Marco responded by squeezing back, his cock held tight between their slick, writhing bodies; with a final shuddering exhalation, Marco came, a flood of pleasure surged through him as a splash of hot cum spurted across their stomachs and chests. Spent, they both collapsed into a panting, boneless pile, Star nestled up against him contentedly.

            “Well, even if it’s not _that_ , it was still pretty awesome!” Marco panted. “Whew, I need a bath.”

            Star giggled and traced his jaw with her finger. “You made a mess, that’s how I know I did good.”

            “I’d say you did a bit better than ‘good’!” Marco laughed, wiping her bangs from her face. “…You were amazing.”

            She darted up and planted a delicate, electrifying kiss on his lips. “I love you.”

            Marco blinked, his eyes wide. “…What?”

            Star’s smiled vanished in an instant, a look of confused horror spread across her face as though she had just realized what she had said. She blushed furiously and rolled off of him, collecting her things off the floor. “Uh-oh…uh, I’m gonna go do, uhm, bath…stuff. Bye.”

            Without another word she shot to her feet and ran out the door. Marco grabbed his pants and hurriedly put them on. “Star, wait!”

            Marco set off after her only to have enormous metal fingers clamp around his ankle, toppling him to the ground. “Aah! What the hell, Lefty!”

            The giant robot hand wagged a foreboding finger at him, pointing at the door and making a ‘stop’ command. The mice on top of the dismembered arm nodded in agreement. “The arm is right. Her Majesty needs to be alone, young knight. She has just admitted her feelings aloud before she had first admitted them to herself. You would only do harm if you followed now. Give her time, give her space, and she’ll be back.”

            Marco sighed and nodded. “Okay…thanks. You can let go now, Lefty.”

            The machine complied and the mouse leader cleared his throat. “So…I hear you have…cheese?”

            Marco rolled his eyes and handed them the plate of nachos, still piled high with mountains of cheese. “Here, feast or whatever.”

            “Thank you, young knight. When the revolution comes, you will be spared.” The leader whistled shrilly, all the mouse workers stopped and hurried over. “Мы пировать!”

            As the mice cheered and ate noisily, Marco sighed and picked his shirt up, remembering with disgust the rapidly cooling cum on his belly. “Ah, gross!”

            He looked longingly at the door. Had she meant what she had said? Marco shook his head and left her room, quietly making his way to his own at the end of the hall. “Shit.”

 

                                    ELSEWHERE, AT A DENNY’S

            Ludo pored over the menu, his army of Monsters filling up the adjacent tables as unperturbed waiters and waitresses served them. The sound of the door opening drew his gaze upward, what he saw drew a long, gruesome smile on his hideous face: in walked a troupe of heavily armed and armored soldiers, at the head of the pack was a particularly tall and distinguished-looking man, his head was bald save for a tightly wound bun of hair near the back. His exposed scalp shone in the harsh fluorescent light, his brow a creased, angry thicket of wrinkles above two thistly eyebrows. One blue eye scowled out from a deep, dark socket, the other was a grim-looking prosthetic with a perfectly circular lens, a power cable snaking down to his breast pocket made it look like a particularly overwrought monocle. His mouth was downturned in a scowl, only partially hidden by a meticulously groomed handlebar moustache.

            “Hello!” Ludo crooned. “You must be Captain Gaunt!”

            Gaunt looked down at Ludo. “Why have you summoned me here, bowl-head?”

            The kappa withstood the racist remark and gestured to his monsters to calm down. “I’ve heard it through the grapevine that you’ve been having a bit of trouble lately. A certain blonde-haired fashion victim has been making a fool of you and your men, isn’t that right?”

            “What do you know about the heretic?!” Gaunt bellowed, his men preparing to fight the snarling monsters surrounding them.

            Ludo simply smiled and tapped the far side of the table. “Sit, eat. We have a lot to talk about. A deal to broker. A…funeral to plan.”

            Captain Gaunt looked around, his keen military mind telling him that his men would be more than capable of subduing these creatures, so he sat and prepared to hear them out. “Very well. How may we be of mutual benefit?”

            Ludo chuckled sinisterly. “Well, I can only offer one thing: an invi–”

            A waiter broke in abruptly, his slack jaw and vacant stare denoting a total lack of fucks to give. “HellosirwelcometoDennyshowmayIhelpyou.”

            Ludo hissed and threw down the menu, which Gaunt picked up and began examining. “How DARE you interrupt ME, you peon! I ought to have you boiled in oil!”

            The waiter gave no indication of having heard him. “Can I interest you in the special today? Buy four Grand Slams and get a three dollar discount for all additional purchases.”

            “I will flay your family–oh, hey, that’s actually a pretty good deal.” Ludo scratched his chin, looking up at Gaunt, who nodded. “We’ll have that.”

            “I’ll have bacon, sourdough toast, pancakes, oatmeal, and eggs,” Gaunt said, before adding. “Sunnyside up, please.”

            The waiter nodded and took the other orders from around the table and returned. “Anything else, sir?”

            “Don’t you find this odd, servant?” Gaunt said, tapping his prosthetic eye. “Your realm has no magic, and yet here are a bunch of monsters and armed men ordering breakfast.”

            “I’ve worked at Denny’s for three months, sir; I’ve seen worse.”

            The waiter left with their orders and Gaunt turned back to Ludo. “You were saying?”

            “Hmmm?” Ludo looked up from the placemat, he was scribbling crude drawings of Star in various stages of dismemberment on it, wearing the red crayon down to a nub. “Oh, yes! Uhm…right, all I can offer you is an invitation.”

            Gaunt, knowing exactly what the disgusting little creature was talking about, smiled; it was a cruel smile, the kind of smile that shines in a cat’s eye when it sees a fat mouse. “I’m listening…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh-oh


	4. That One Johnny Cash Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I even trying anymore?

 

            Angie Diaz hummed happily and set the table, Rafael leaned in from the kitchen, a perplexed look on his face. “In a good mood, honey?”

            “Oh, you could say that,” she said, singsong. “Loooove is in the air, Raf!”

            He smiled and chuckled. “That it is, my love! So long as we are together, it always will be!”

            Angie laughed and feigned disgust. “Uugh! Raf, you’re supposed to cook with the cheese, not _be_ the cheese!”

            Rafael guffawed and added a handful of chopped onions to the ground beef sizzling in the pan. “I must be cheese, because whenever I get close to you, hot stuff, I melt!”

            “Bleh!” Angie retorted. “Seriously though, haven’t you felt it?”

            “Felt what?”

            “The love, silly, between our son and Princesa de la Casa? It’s practically electric!” She squealed in happiness. “Our boy and interdimensional royalty! Imagine: royal grandchildren, we’d get invited to all the fancy balls, be part of the magic court, maybe even host a royal party! Oh, the glamorous dresses, Raf! It’s what I’ve always dreamt of!”

            “Ah-heh…” Rafael chuckled nervously, “Getting a little ahead of yourself, aren’t you, my love? They’re still so young!”

            “Pssh! You didn’t see them a few weeks ago, kissing each other like gourami! It’s practically guaranteed that they’re dating!”

            “Hasn’t Marco been seeing that Thomas girl for a while now?” Rafael mixed the onions in as they began to caramelize. “With another date tonight, no less?”

            “It’s a phase!” Angie said flippantly. “Starco will win the day!”

            “I don’t kn–”

            “I WANT MY FANCY DRESS!!”

            “Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad,” Marco said, walking into the kitchen. “What’s with the yelling?”

            “Oh, nothing, Marco!” Angie said, quickly fixing Rafael with a glare and a ‘zip the lips’ gesture. “Just parent stuff. How was your day at school?”

            “Okay,” Marco said flatly. “Jackie’s done with her project so I’ll be hanging out with her later tonight. Is Star still feeling sick?”

            Angie nodded; Star had refused to leave her room that morning, citing ‘icky feelings in her whatsit’ as the cause. Ever since the oojamaflip incident Angie had learned to take Star’s word on Mewman anatomy. “Yes, the poor dear has been so down in the dumps all day! Her whatsit must really be bothering her!”

            “Her whatsit?” Marco said. “What–?”

            “You should stay with her tonight!” Angie said suddenly. “Comfort her while she’s sick!”

            “Angie…” Rafael said reproachfully.

            “Shh!”

            “Nah, I made these plans, like, a week ago. It would be really rude to back out now,” Marco sat down at the table. “Will dinner be long? I said I’d meet Jackie at eight.”

            “That’s a very good habit to get into, Marco,” Rafael said, shooting Angie a sideways glance. “Punctuality and commitment are two very important life skills. And dinner should be ready in about five minutes.”

            “Okay,” Marco got up and walked over to the kitchen, got out the plates and cutlery, and began to set the table. “What’s on the menu?”

            “Gringo-style tacos. Beef, cheese, and sour cream piled as high as your eyes!” Rafael added a few extra spices of his own devising. “But the flavors of the south, _sí_ , they will always shine though!”

            Marco took a seat as his parents brought the food to the table. Once they all were seated, Angie smirked at Rafael and called up to Star. “Star, honey! Dinner’s ready!”

            “M’not hungry…” was the muffled response.

            “Star.” Angie’s voice dropped an octave, which Marco immediately recognized as her ‘Mother voice’. “Come down and have a seat, then.”

            There was a series of thuds followed by Star quickly descending the stairs and sitting down, looking somewhat perplexed. “…How does she do that?”

            The dinner was awkwardly silent; Marco would look up at Star, only to catch her eyes darting back down to her cooling dinner, which had gone untouched. She looked like she hadn’t gotten out of bed today, her hair was tangled and messy and she didn’t seem to be wearing any make-up. She looked like she had a lot on her mind, Marco thought.

            “So…” Rafael spoke up, hoping to break the strange tension between his son and Star. “Marco! How was school today? Any crazy shenanigans?”

            “No.” Marco turned to Star, forcing a smile. “Seems like all the crazy slept in today, huh? Ha!”

            “Ha-ha,” Star said wanly.

            There was a long awkward pause and Angie cleared her throat. “Did you bring Star’s homework back from school?”

            “Yeah! Oh man, you should have been there, Star! Ms Skullnick totally loved Jackie’s project today, mostly because it was a program or app or something that lets people search for romantic matches on a bunch of sites at once. Her demonstration ‘coincidentally’ had all of Ms. Skullnick’s info and it found her, like, fifteen boyfriends! It was so funny! Jackie’s really smart, playing mindgames like that.”

            Star’s face darkened as Rafael leaned towards Marco, a proud smile on his face. “So…what are the plans for tonight?”

            Marco played it cool, not letting on how nervous he was for the upcoming outing. “Not too much, Jackie just wants to hang out and unwind after that project. Apparently she had to put up with a bunch of weirdos when she was researching sites and stuff. So I’m just thinking pizza and a movie, maybe some videogames, you know, that kind of stuff.”

            “Not looking to get any action tonight, son?” Rafael said, elbowing Marco playfully. “Eh? Eh?”

            “Dad! It’s the third date,” Marco said, hoping his poker face held. “That would be improper!”

            “What a gentleman!”

            Star shot to her feet, her eyes hidden from the rest of them. “I’m sorry, I’m really not hungry right now. It smells super good though, Mr. Diaz. I’ll have some later, when I’m feeling better.”

            She shuffled out of the dining room and clomped up the stairs, a hearty slam echoed throughout the house as she closed her door with gusto.

            After dinner was finished, Marco cleared the table and did the dishes. Rafael leaned over the table and whispered. “I feel it, Angie.”

            “Oh, shut up,” she grumbled. “I wanted a fancy gown…”

            “No, truly.” Rafael looked up to Star’s room. “Only love hurts like that.”

 

 

            “…I don’t know what I expected to happen,” Star said as she splayed out on her bed, a score of mice-servants attended to her hands, filing her nails and applying polish. “What do you think, Lefty?”

            Lefty shrugged and resumed painting her toenails, its powerful fingers covered in garish bows and ribbons and its razor sharp talons were coated in sparkly red nail varnish.

            “Yeah, I kinda brought this on myself, didn’t I?” Star groaned and examined her fingernails. “But what should I do now? Maybe if I ignore the problem he’ll forget all about it and he’ll never know what I did!”

            Lefty slammed an enormous fist down on the floor, splintering the wood. It thrashed and undulated, sending furniture flying across the room, after several violent gesticulations it fired a single round from its cannon. It then picked up the toe brush and began painting her toenails again.

            “You’re so right, Lefty! I can’t just run from my problems, I have to confront them head on, shatter their bones, drink their spinal fluid and bathe in their blood! You have such a way with words.” Star lifted her foot and examined her toes. “And with a brush, these are great! Better than the hatchet job these mice did!”

            “Well, maybe if you _fed_ us…” one of the mice grumbled.

            “Fed you to what?” Star said pointedly, the mouse jumped and resumed filing her pinky nail.

            There was a knock on the door, Marco peered in and presented a bowl of oatmeal. “Star? Mom says you have to eat something, and she figures your ‘whatsit’ would be able to handle oatmeal. And don’t let this go cold, too, or Mom’ll use her Kilgrave powers on you.”

            “Thanks Marco,” she said quietly as he set the bowl and glass of water on her desk, Lefty was prodding her and pointing at Marco, Star turned and whispered. “Okay, okay! Pushy!”

            “Well, if you need anything, just ask Mom,” Marco said, snapping his fingers and pointing at Star. “I won’t be here because I got a date!”

            “Yeeeeah…It’s finally Friday,” Star said unenthusiastically.

            “Yes,” Marco said, giddy. “It’s finally here!”

            “Friday…” Star repeated quietly.

            Marco sighed and sat down on her bed. “Star, what’s wrong?”

            “Nothing!” Star exclaimed. “Nothing’s wrong!”

            “Yeah right! I’ve barely seen you since…you know…and you’ve been acting all weird, too. And not normal everyday Star weird, either!” Marco threw up his arms and lay down on her bed. “Is it because of what you said the other night?”

            “No! Ha!” Star shook her head and waved dismissively, her laugh sounding more like a bark. “No, that was just, uh, girl stuff! When girls get all hot and bothered they just start spouting nonsense! Yeah! That’s why they always talk so much in hentai and stuff, only the Japanese make realistic porn! Ha-ha! Sometimes I say stuff that doesn’t make sense. PINEAPPLE! See? Random! I’m so silly and so is my mouth it just won’t stop saying things like right now even though I really want it to stop talking it just keeps talking stop talking mouth!!”

            Marco turned and looked at Star, she was curled up in a ball on her side, her back to him. “Star? Are you okay?”

            “No,” she muttered, her voice was sounding a little unsteady. “Go away.”

            Marco rose to his feet and nodded, heading towards the door. Star shot up and reached out to him. “Wait! I didn’t mean it!”

            “What do you want, Star?!” Marco said, frustrated. “I can’t help you if you won’t tell me what’s wrong! If you didn’t mean what you said before, that’s fine! I accept it as just a weird little thing that happened and we can go on being friends or whatever it is that we are now! Tell me how to help you!”

            Star twisted a strand of her hair between her fingers nervously. “Okay. Help me. What I need you to do to help me is to, uh, not go out with Jackie.”

            Marco blinked, hoping that Star was just having another brain-pause. “What? You mean not go to Jackie’s tonight? Because I’ve been planning this all week, I can’t just bail half an hour before!”

            “Tonight? Yes, not going tonight would be good,” Star said cautiously. “But, um, you know, ‘ever’ would be better, ha-ha! That rhymed.”

            “What.” Marco marched over to her, his hands clenching. “What are you trying to say?”

            “Uhhh…” Star said, recoiling. “I kinda, maybe, sorta…‘like’ you? Like, as in love you ‘like’ you. As in I totally meant what I said the other night.” Star’s eyes darted around the room, as though something had been weighing on her and was just now surging out, her speech becoming increasingly run-on and frantic. “Also! I may have kinda been, well, exaggerating a _wee_ bit about how badly you sucked at kissing and stuff so that you’d practice with me. And the other stuff, too, I was really laying on thick with that stuff. And when you were Mr. Amazing with your hands and we got all grindy things just sort of, I dunno, clicked! And I realized that I loved you and this whole practice thing had sort of been me panicking about you not being all mine anymore! Actually, the past two weeks has been a great big, um, well, is ‘farce’ the right word? Go grab a dictionary! Heh! …Sorry.”

            Marco stared at her for a moment, his mind spun its wheels and he could only formulate one response: “The _fuck_.”

            “I know this looks pretty bad, really bad, but it’s not as awful as it seems!” Star said, wringing her hands. “Is it?”

            “Is what as awful as it seems?” Marco said, his voice flat and toneless. “Do you mean like how you deliberately preyed on your best friend’s insecurities to get a cheap thrill? How about how you manipulated me into making out with you, into practically having sex with you, out of pure selfishness? Or maybe it’s that after all that you’ve done, you think that I’m actually going to believe that you “kinda, like, love” me and expect me to break up with Jackie just because you asked? How does that sound to you?”

            “Pretty bad,” Star muttered, her eyes drifting down to the floor. “Super bad, actually.”

            Marco turned and walked toward the door. “Yeah. Well, I’m glad we got that sorted out. I’m going to go now. Star, please, just keep your distance for a while. I don’t hate you or anything, I’m not even all that angry, I just…I didn’t think you’d ever do something like that to me.” Marco opened the door and walked out, shooting her a sad glance. “I actually thought you respected me more than that.”

            The door closed quietly, gently, but to Star it was the sound of a tomb door slamming shut.

            “Товарищи!” rang out through the room, it was the leader mouse heading a huge mob armed with lit torches, needles, and broken glass. “истомлено тиран! Для свободы! Атака!”           

Star sighed and waved her wand. “No.”

            With a flash of shimmering magic and crackle of energy, hundreds of mice were cast screaming into a hellish void between time and space, where they would stay until summoned again. Star shambled over to Lefty and plopped down to the floor. She curled into a ball and began to cry. The enormous metal hand closed around her trembling body in a comforting hug, patting her shoulder with its thumb.

 

            Marco shuffled down the street, lost in his thoughts. Had he been too harsh on Star? True, he felt betrayed, hurt, even a little furious, but he found himself agonizing over the things he had said to her. He hadn’t just been blowing smoke, he was truly and deeply devastated that she had apparently thought so little of him, manipulating and taking advantage like she had, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to hate her, not even a little. He knew he’d be justified, what she had done was “pretty bad”, but much to his frustration, he just felt sad. Disappointed.

            Marco shook himself out of his trance, finding himself at Jackie’s doorstep. “Huh? Oh, right. That.”

            He knocked on the door and waited, not long as Jackie swung the door open and greeted him with a smile, reaching out and hugging him. “Hey! Look who showed up! C’mon in, I just got the fondue going.”

            “Fondue?” Marco said, interested. “Well, I already ate dinner, so…”

            Jackie turned around and smirked at him, a gleam in her eye. “ _Chocolate_ fondue. C’mon, it’ll be fun! I can think of about a million things I wanna dip in chocolate and lick clean.”

            Marco’s eyes widened, a blush settled in his cheeks. “Hey, you know what? I think I might have room.”

            “That’s the spirit!” Jackie laughed. “C’mon in, I’ll mix us up some drinks.”

            “Okay…” Marco took a deep breath and stepped inside.

            “Have a seat on the couch!” Jackie called from the kitchen. “I cued up Narcos on Netflix, you like that one?”

            “Never seen it!” Marco said as he sat down on the couch, the room was dimly lit and the smell of hot, melted chocolate was heavenly, beside the bubbling pot was a collection of fruit and other such things to dip. “Is it good?”

            “Yeah. It’s about Pablo Escobar, the drug lord. Everyone in it is a complete bastard, like, they get up in the morning and put liquefied kittens in their coffee and have coked-out children knife-fight for kicks,” She said as she entered the room, holding two cups. “Okay, not really, but you get my point.”

            Marco eyed the drink as she handed it to him; it was somewhat yellow and sparkling and had a lemon slice in it. “What is this?”

            “White wine spritzer,” Jackie said glibly. “My mom has, like, this two gallon jug of chardonnay, she won’t miss it.”

            “This is alcohol?” Marco exclaimed.

            “Barely!” Jackie laughed. “It’s wine and club soda, just about as weak as it gets. I figured it’ll help you with that tension you’re carrying in your shoulders. You look like you need some help with whatever monkey’s on your back.”

            Marco sighed and took a sip; it wasn’t half bad, in fact it was almost all good. “A certain blonde-haired monkey.”

            “Ah.” Jackie sipped her drink and set it down on the table. “Alien girl problems?”

            Marco sighed and nodded. “She just got done telling me how she’d been, well, taking me for a ride, you know? Uh! N-nothing like that! It’s just, uh, Mewni things. She totally took advantage of me and how little I knew about stuff.”

            “Things, and stuff too?” Jackie said. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

            “I’m serious, I’m really mad at her!” Marco exclaimed, taking a slug of his spritzer.

            “No, you’re not,” Jackie set a hand on his shoulder. “I can see it in your face. You’re hurt, you’re frustrated, but you’re not mad. I know all about this kind of thing, girls talk about this stuff in the locker room all the time, so I’ve started to see a pattern. She took advantage of you, lied to you, and you never even suspected it because you trusted her, because she’s your best friend. You never knew that she was capable of that, hurting you like this, which makes it even harder to get mad _at_ her. Some people get angry with themselves, or at the people around them, but mostly they just get sad. I can see that you’re not even a little bit angry at Star, but disappointed that she used your trust like that.”

            “Yeah,” Marco muttered. “I guess I am. Should I get mad at her, though? Should I try for it, at least?”

            She shook her head. “You should never force a feeling. If you aren’t angry with her now then you know, deep down, that she wasn’t trying to hurt you and that she probably feels really bad about it. She _did_ come clean with you, right? She wouldn’t have done that if she didn’t know she messed up.”

            “Yeah,” Marco allowed himself a smile; he reached over and put his arm over her shoulders. “How’d you get so smart?”

            “I people-watch,” she said glibly. “The trick to not looking like a creep is using your peripherals.”

            He laughed and reached over, he picked up a strawberry and dipped it in chocolate. He leaned back and popped it into his mouth, savoring the juicy berry and sharp, dark chocolate. Looked over and saw Jackie lean towards him. He turned and met her mouth with his, her tongue pushing past his lips. “You taste good.”

            “Pretty sure that’s the fondue,” Marco said with a chuckle.

            “Mmm, no.” Jackie moved in closer, her hand drifting down to his groin. “I bet you taste good all over.”

            Marco felt a hot flush burn in his cheeks; this is the moment he’d been preparing for. Or rather, what he had been duped into preparing for, and honestly the ‘preparation’ had just been an escalating sequence of lurid acts with his best friend. Suddenly, he found that he wasn’t aroused anymore. In fact, the thought of doing anything like that with Jackie just made him uneasy, filling him with fresh new feelings of confusion and hurt. Star had always seemed so happy to ‘train’ him, like it was something she’d wanted to do all along, and the way she had looked at him that night, the soft but passionate kiss, how she had said those three words, ‘ _I love you_ ’, with such conviction, as natural and easy as breathing, the truth of them were plain as day. What was she feeling now? Had he hurt her? What would their world be like tomorrow?

            “J-Jackie,” Marco said in a quiet, strangled voice. “Could we…uh, not? I’m still feeling really messed up about today. Also, I think we’ve been moving a little fast? I dunno, I’m just–”

            Jackie smiled and patted his cheek, snuggling up close to him. “I understand. I like spending time with you, Marco. We don’t have to be all over each other to be dating. You just let me know when you’re ready.”

            He sighed and looked at her, she was everything he ever wanted in a girlfriend. Chill, understanding, apparently super smart, and hot as a Californian sidewalk to top it off. Part of him screamed at him to show her all the things he had learned, but another part, just as strong, was still thinking about Star and how he might set things right.

            He hated being a teenager.

 

            Angie put down the phone. “Raf, that was Marco. He said he’d like to get picked up at 10:30, so in about an hour. It sounds like he’s having a good time with Jackie. I hope she doesn’t try anything! Marco’s a very sheltered boy!”

            “Try to sound more bitter, dear,” Rafael said, reading a novel. “Shipping always ends in tears.”

            “I’m serious, Raf!” Angie said, snatching the book from his hands. “He hasn’t even had ‘the talk’ yet!”

            “Angie.” Rafael leveled a look at her. “He’s a teenaged boy with internet access. He knows how it works.”

            “Not that talk! The other one, the one about responsibility and good judgment! The one about safety and caution! The one about waiting until he’s ready! The one about choosing the girl from Mewni! That one!” Angie rushed for the door, grabbing her coat. “I have to go! Who knows what that little harpy’s parents let her get away with!”

            In a display of speed impressive for a man his size, Rafael leapt to his feet and darted between his wife and the door. He grabbed her shoulders gently and led her back to the living room. “Angie, _cariño_ , Marco is a smart boy, a responsible boy, a _safe_ boy. We have to trust him with this sort of thing. A mother can’t involve herself in her son’s love life, that sort of thing is why cousin Carlito isn’t allowed within five hundred yards of a school.”

            “Rafael!” Angie exclaimed.

            “It’s for your own good, _mi vida_ , there are some things a man must handle himself, even if he winds up getting hurt.” He sat her down on the couch and patted the seat. “Please, sit. I’ll go and pick him up, you just stay here and try to relax, okay?”

            Angie nodded and smiled. “You’re right. Of course you’re right. Could you go make me some tea?”

            “But of course,” Rafael turned towards the kitchen before spinning around, his hand outstretched. “The keys, Angie.”

            She grumbled and placed them in his hand.

 

            Marco put his phone back in his pocket. “Okay, that was my dad. He’s on his way.”

            “Shame you couldn’t spend the night,” Jackie said with a wink. “But hey, if you’re not feeling up to it, then there’s no point forcing it.”

            Marco smiled, glad that she understood, he leaned in and hugged her. “Thanks Jackie. I had a really good time, it helped a lot to talk to someone about it.”

            “Hey, what’s a girlfriend for?” She pulled him in close and kissed the tip of his nose. “Wanna have breakfast tomorrow? I’m thinking Frank’s Diner.”

            Marco nodded, kissing her back. “That sounds great. Maybe I won’t be such a wet blanket by then. How does ten sound?”

            “Sounds like a date, D,” she said, looking over his shoulder. “Your dad’s here. Hi, Mr. Diaz!”

            Rafael waved to them from inside the car. “Hello, Jackie!”

            Marco leaned in and gave her a farewell peck; Jackie leaned in and dipped him on the patio, planting a passionate open-mouthed kiss on her new boyfriend. Marco blushed and laughed nervously, turning to see his dad sitting in the car, his mouth an ‘o’ of surprise. “See ya tomorrow, Darth Diaz.”

            Marco walked down to the car and got in, giving Jackie a final wave goodbye as they drove away.

            The drive was quiet until Rafael began to laugh, reaching over and patting Marco on the shoulder. “That’s my boy!”

            The two laughed and Marco turned on the radio. That one Johnny Cash song began to play. The lyrics didn’t really apply to his situation; a candid, somber reflection on a lifetime of regrets and drug abuse were somewhat outside his frame of reference, but it was nonetheless an uncomfortably solemn song given the potentially ruined friendship waiting for him at home.

            He extended a hand to change the channel when his father swatted it away. “Marco, since you are well on your way to being a man, so you must now learn the number one rule of manhood: Never, ever, disrespect Johnny Cash.”

            “That’s rule number one?” Marco said disbelievingly.

            “Well, okay, rule 23,” Rafael clarified. “Rule one is ‘do not question Tom Waits’.”

            “Who?”

            “ _No mi diga_ …” Rafael muttered, shaking his head. “Anyway, did you know that Trent Reznor basically gave up the song to Johnny Cash?”

            “Uh…” Marco felt like his dad was getting at something.

            “Yes! He said that Cash did it so well, that it was like losing a girlfriend!” Rafael turned to his son, his face serious. “Part of being a man is knowing when to let go of something precious, to draw the line in the sand and make a decision. Knowing that your choices and actions have consequences, and that you may have to make a call that will cause some people pain but is the right one in the long run. Do you understand?”

            Marco cringed internally, he understood. “Nope!”

            “Marco, _mijo_ , your mother saw you and Star fooling around the other week. And that was after your first date with Jackie. Now Star has problems with her ‘whatsit’ and you seem to be getting along with your girlfriend pretty well now. Do you follow?”

            “Dad…” Marco groaned and put his head in his hands.

            “Don’t take that tone with me!” Rafael said sternly. “You need to start acting like a man and make your choice! Star is a sweet girl and she deserves better than to be jerked around like this!”

            Marco laughed bitterly. “Oh, yeah! Star’s the victim in this! She’s just so sweet and innocent so of course it’s big bad Marco who’s been lying and playing around! What do you take me for?! If Star has problems with her ‘whatsit’ it’s her own fault! She just wanted to have her fun but got in too deep, so now I’m the bad guy for not wanting to break up with Jackie! Thanks, Dad! Glad to know you’ll always assume the best of your own son!”

            “Ah…” Rafael strummed his fingers on the wheel. “So, Star…came onto you?”

            “Yep,” Marco said tersely.

            “And you let her down gently?”

            “As possible.” Marco paused for a bit before adding. “Still sucked though.”

            “I was wrong. You are a man!” Rafael reached over and playfully punched him on the arm. “Two! Two pretty blonde girls! Ah-ah-ah!”

            Marco sighed and shook his head, deciding that it’d be better to laugh. So he did.

           

            “Angie, we’re home,” Rafael called out. “Your baby boy is back home, safe and sound!”

            “Marco! So, uh, how was your date?” Angie said, having prepared herself another cup of tea.

            “Pretty cool. We watched Netflix and ate some fondue. Nothing too crazy.”

            Angie cleared her throat and leaned in, whispering. “Star’s still not feeling well.”

            Behind him, Rafael made a throat slashing gesture, shaking his head vigorously. Marco blinked slowly. “Yeah, I figured. I didn’t really expect her to feel better during all the two-and-a-half hours I was gone.”

            “Oh, I just thought you’d, uh, be worried…” Angie looked over to Raf, who had buried his face in his hand.

            “She’ll be fine,” Marco intoned as he ascended the staircase. “Star’s tough. She doesn’t need me to babysit her anymore.”

            Marco walked past Star’s room on the way to his. He listened for a moment, straining to hear inside for any sign of life. He remembered what Jackie had said, and part of him wanted to forgive her, but the conversation with his dad had renewed his frustration with the whole situation. It was confusing, and irritating, and exhausting; at that moment the only thing he knew for certain was that if he so much as glanced at a bed he’d pass out. Marco shook his head and walked down the hall, opened his door and entered his room, not noticing how the door to Star’s room opened a sliver; an eye peered through the crack.

 

            Next morning, Star slunk out of her room. She cast a downcast glance at Marco’s room. He said he didn’t hate her, he said he wasn’t even mad, but that was almost worse. He was…disappointed and sad, and she had made him that way. She hadn’t annoyed him or infuriated him: she had hurt him. Star could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, a fresh pulse of self-loathing surged through her. She just wanted to disappear. She also wanted breakfast.

            “Hello?” she called down the stairs. “Anyone down there?”

            “Just me, hon!” Angie called up. “Are you feeling better today?”

            Star shuffled down the steps and sat down in the living room across from Angie. “Yeah, a bit. I still feel pretty low.”

            “A sore whatsit will do that,” Angie said, gesturing at her heart and winking knowingly. “Just about the worst feeling in the world, actually.”

            Star laughed out loud at this, the laugh quickly becoming sobs. Angie got up and sat down next to her, draping an arm over the weeping girl. “Let it out, honey.”

            “I messed everything up!” Star sniffled. “I really hurt Marco’s feelings and now he hates me! I should have known something like this would happen; I’m just a great big screw-up! I’m useless! I’m awful!”

            “Star, that’s not true,” Angie cooed, stroking her hair. “You’re a wonderful, kind and caring person. And Marco doesn’t hate you; I don’t think he ever could! You’re his best friend and he’s yours, which is why this hurts so much. You both rely on each other, you had each other’s complete trust, and while that makes your relationship strong, it also means that the stuff that hurts _really_ hurts. If you forgive yourself, Marco is sure to come around. He just needs time and space to think things through, but if you show that you’re there for him, he’ll see you for what you really are.”

            Star looked up at Angie, wiping a tear away. “What’s that?”

            “The most important person in his life.”

            Star smiled and hugged her back. “Thanks, Mrs. D. I really needed that.”

            “I know, honey,” Angie said with a warm smile. “Now, how about some tea and breakfast?”

            “I dunno,” Star said. “Shouldn’t we wait for Marco and Mr. Diaz to wake up?”

            “Star, sweetie, it’s 11:30. You slept in for a good long while.” Angie got the eggs and ham out of the fridge. “I tried to wake you up, but every time I opened your door, this huge awful thing rushed at me!”

            “Oh, that’s just Lefty,” she said with a smile. “He’s like a great big heavily armed bloodthirsty puppy dog. Also, gives a mean pedicure.”

            “Well, Raf is out in the yard, doing man-stuff.” Angie hummed to herself as she turned on the stove. “And Marco, well, he’s having breakfast with that Thomas girl. Have you seen her? Early bloomer, that one.”

            “Yeah, she’s pretty…pretty,” Star said, lowly. “Marco sure lucked out there.”

            Angie harrumphed and shrugged. “Well, you know what they say about early bloomers: they fill out by emptying their heads.”

            Star chose not to respond to that remark, she personally had nothing against Jackie as a person; in fact she actually really liked her. “Where’d they go for breakfast?”

            “Frank’s Diner, you know, the one with the fifties-style look and the constant grease fires."

            Star almost jumped when her phone screamed to life in her pocket, her dubstep soundbite obliterating her phone’s fragile speakers with bass. Angie looked up from the stove. “Who’s calling dear?”

            “Marco. He’s texting me something…” she trailed off as she opened the file. “Oh, my God.”

            The picture sent was of Marco and Jackie as they sat in a diner booth, done up in a spectacularly tacky fashion to resemble a 1950’s roadster. Jackie and Marco sat glaring at the camera, their lavish breakfasts set before them. Next to them sat Ludo, a strip of bacon in his disgusting little claws and a smug smile on his face. The torsos and lower bodies of his monsters stood in the background, cutting off escape. The accompanying text read: “ _Come on over, Star. The buttermilk pancakes are to DIE for_.”

            Star shot to her feet, Angie saw the look on her face and gasped. “What is it?”

            “Marco’s in–” she began to say when she got another text.

            It read: “ _Get it? To DIE for?_ ”

            Star glared at the phone, determination in her voice. “Marco’s in–”

            Another text: “ _It’s a threat. As in, we’re going to kill Karate-Boy and you. But also, pancakes._ ”

            Star rolled her eyes. “He’s in–”

            And another: “ _Oh snap, they’re actually really good. Very fluffy._ ”

            Star sighed, waiting for the next one.

            Sure enough: “ _This is Ludo BTW. Not sure if I made that clear before lol_ ”

            “I gotta go,” Star growled.

 

            “It’s gonna be okay,” Marco whispered to Jackie. “I’ve fought these guys plenty of times, they’re a joke.”

            “Yeah?” Jackie whispered back. “Thanks, I was kinda figuring that out for myself.”

            Ludo slapped a choking Bearicorn on the back repeatedly. “Honestly, I can’t take you cretins anywhere!”

            After an especially hard slap Bearicorn retched and coughed up a fork, Ludo clapped his hand to his forehead. “Seriously? That’s not even food, you ninny! Wh–hold on, is that where all my utensils have been going?”

            Ludo sighed in disgust and resumed eating Marco’s breakfast. “They drive me to eat, I swear!”

            “What’s your plan, Ludo?” Marco demanded. “You have to know that the second Star gets here she’s going to kick your clammy butt back to Mewni!”

            “Oh, you just wait and see, Karate-Boy!” Ludo giggled menacingly. “I’ve got a trick up my sleeve! I’ll have the wand before the day is out, and then you and all your kind will know my wrath!”

            “Oh, please! You couldn’t hard-boil an egg without setting yourself on fire!”

            Ludo smirked. “Says the guy we got the drop on!”

            Marco opened his mouth to retort when Ludo squealed and pointed at Jackie. “Ah! I see the date went well. I don’t believe we’ve been formally introduced, Ms…?”

            “Jackie Lynn Thomas,” Marco said flatly. “Meet Ludo, my, I dunno, semi-arch-nemesis? Ludo, meet Jackie Lynn Thomas, my girlfriend.”

            “Charmed,” Ludo crooned. “You know, play your cards right and you could have a place at my side when I rule the universe.”

            “Gross,” Jackie shuddered.

            “Uuuh…boss?” Bearicorn said nervously. “Here she comes.”

            They all looked out the window in time to see a glowing, incandescent rainbow arcing towards the diner. It impacted in the parking lot, ripping a car in half and blasting a huge crater into the pavement with a Technicolor explosion, a huge surge of dust and smoke filled their view.

            “Badass!” Jackie exclaimed.

            A blast of energy evaporated the wall into a cloud of butterflies as Star strode out of the crater and leveled her wand at the monsters. “Back away from him.”

            They did and Marco and Jackie rushed over to Star. Star drew Marco into a tight hug before turning back to the monsters. “As much as I’d love a good fight right about now, you’ve gone and made me so mad I think I’d probably just kill you all. So, please leave.”

            Ludo scoffed and flicked a butterfly off his eggs. “Oh, we’re not here to fight you, Star. We’re here to watch.”

            Marco stepped forward in battle position. “Watch what?”

            Ludo produced a set of dimensional scissors and handed them to Fly Monster. “Watch you die, of course.”

            Fly Monster streaked off into the sky before Star could shoot him down. He chuckled evilly and jammed the scissors into the air as he ascended, opening a huge rift in time and space. The rift wavered and pulsed before exploding into a massive shimmering portal. With a dull keening sound something began to push through, a giant grey mass of armor and guns hovered in the air, looking to all the world like a World War One battleship, only much larger. Dozens of cannons turned and trained downwards at the diner.

            “Huh,” Star turned to Marco. “Who’re they?”

            The air split with a static sound, followed by a familiar booming voice. “HERETIIIIIC!!”

            “Oh, never mind.” Star swallowed nervously. “It's those guys.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fuck? No lewd stuff?  
> Unsub'd


	5. Monopoly is a Stupid Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cards Against Mewmanity is SO much better.

            The Public Relations Officer fidgeted nervously in front of the committee, he had been working with a team of twenty spin-doctors, economists, advertisers, and even accolades of the occult to prepare him for this meeting. This year Echo Creek had seen no fewer than twenty demonic incursions, thirteen cryptid attacks, ten invasions of various composition and intent, two dragon-related incidents, and one charming visit from Dagon Himself. Needless to say, tourism had suffered somewhat. But all that was about to change! He had drummed up the best of the best to put last year’s debacles into a new light, something along the lines of unusually involved performance art. He’d spent the past four long days and sleepless nights herding the cats and wringing something cohesive out of all the different facets. He was spent, but now it was his time to shine.

            “Alright Mr. Franklin,” the chairman said dryly. “I understand you have some helpful tips for how to deal with the screaming nightmare that is our PR front.”

            “More than that, chairman! I have formulated a procedure outline that will allow us to explain away not only the past year’s occurrences, but any and all similar disasters that may or may not occur this year!” Mr. Franklin said excitedly. “Allow me to explain…”

            A brief powerpoint later and the assembled committee were all looking suitably impressed, Mr. Franklin drew his explanation to a conclusion. “As you can see, we have formulated contingencies and explanation outlines for just about any event that can occur, based on an expansive predictive index formulated from past disasters. We’ve been getting a lot of help from Richard Wilkens’ old spin team from that little town near Santa Barbara; the name escapes me. Their index was remarkably extensive, but needed to be updated to factor in those damn smartphones. Ugh! Those things have made my life a living hell! Well, that and Facebook…and cocaine.”

            The chairman looked out the window and nodded. “I see, I see. Say, would you care to give us a live demonstration?”

            “Oh? Of course! See, three months ago a creature calling itself ‘The Unknowable Showable’ emerged from the, uh, face of a mime. It made a show of devouring several young–”

            “No,” the chairman interrupted, pointing out the window. “Explain _that_.”

            Mr. Franklin walked over to the window and gasped; hovering above downtown was an enormous, heavily armed warship some quarter-mile in length. He examined his notes, the chart, the battleship, the notes again, the battleship, the committee, the battleship. Something in his mind gave with an almost audible snap; he threw the papers into the air and made for the door.

            “Mr. Franklin?” the chairman asked after him.

            “M’name’s Paul, and this is between y’all,” he turned around and flipped the committee dual birds. “I quit! Lick-lick-lick m’baaaaallllls!!”

 

            Marco shook his fist at Ludo. “What have you done, you little bird-thing?!”

            “You see, Karate-Boy, Toffee’s betrayal taught me many things. One: no matter what you do, there’s always going to be someone better. Number two: if possible, get them to do your dirty work.” Ludo said, picking at a piece of pie.

            “Pffft!” Star said dismissively. “Don’t overstep your bounds, Lu-dope, you just set yourself up for a big ol’ flop! The treaty between Mewni and the Confederation of Humanity has it that no armed force can enter a realm occupied by a Mewman civilian! The Trans-Strata police should be here any second!”

            Several seconds passed, the battleship continued to hover. “Aaaaaany second now! …Uh-oh.”

            “Star?” Marco walked up to her. “What’s going on?”

            “Well, Mewni kinda had a big war with these guys. It went badly for the both sides so we made a treaty. They stay out of the magical realm and other dimensions occupied by Mewmans, and we do the same but vice-versa. Why do you think I kept stealing from them? They shouldn’t have been able to follow me back here! Unless…” She turned back to Ludo. “Unless they’re invited by a native of the dimension. But–”

            Ludo held up a greencard, an American passport, and a wedding ring on one finger. “Throw enough gold around and you can get just about anything in this country! Meet Lucius Douglas, American citizen!”

            “B-b-b-but!” Star stammered. “WHAT?! HOW?!”

            Ludo jabbed a thumb at one of his monsters. “Spikeballs here is a registered notary, he found the loophole.”

            Spikeballs stepped forward, wearing a pair of tiny reading glasses and holding a bundle of paper. “The language in article four, section three, regarding what defines a ‘native’ is awfully murky. Honestly, the whole treaty write-up is pretty dated.”

            Star and Marco turned to each other, looked up at the battleship, and back to Ludo, who cackled. “And now, I’ve got a battalion of magic-resistant killers all howling for your blood! In exchange for handing you over, they’ll give me the wand! It’s not like they want it anyway, Mewman magic is blasphemy to them! And as a bonus to universal power, I get to watch them do you in! I hear you have five consecutive death sentences to look forward to!”

            “Wait,” Jackie broke in. “What’re they going to do? Kill her five times?”

            “No, the Confederation is a civilized society! So, they’ll just torture me until I die!” Star said with a laugh. “They just multiply the time it takes to lop someone’s head off (one second) by a factor of ten for each sentence! So I’m looking at…”

            “Almost twenty-eight hours,” Marco said somberly. “Of torture.”

            Star smiled appreciatively. “Ludo! I’m actually impressed with you! Usually your plots involve attacking me while I’m ‘distracted’ or pushing me off a boat, but this is a legitimately brilliant evil plan!”

            Ludo fidgeted and giggled, flattered. “Oh, stop, you’re going to make me blush! I just really wanted you dead! I absolutely despise you, you know!”

            “Evidently!” Star said, gesturing at the ship in the air.

            “Star!” Marco exclaimed. “Now is not the time to praise the villains! What do we do?”

            Star scratched her chin. “Well, I have an idea…”

            She spun around and raised her wand, powerful blue energy arched from its star jewel as she charged up a blast. “Bodacious blueberry balla bass bomb boiiiiiii!!”

            The energy blast left the wand with a low thud, almost sub-audible as it streaked through the air towards the battleship. It impacted with a bright, imploding flash that flickered for a moment before a great and terrible sound ripped through the air, shattering windows and rattling teeth for miles around. The battleship vanished in a surge of light and bass:

“ _It's full force when I step to the fore/_  
_Bringing you that fuel sourced fresh from the core_ _/  
The flow penetrates to depths on the floor/_  
_Cutting sharp like I had the verse etched in a sword/_ ”

            The air itself became an alive, clawing thing; the vibrations dancing over their skin and into their bones, the thudding of the bass became the massive, frenetic heartbeat of the earth itself. Everyone directly beneath the bass bomb was knocked off their feet.

“That’s how it’s done!” Star shouted, slightly dazed.

            “What?!” Marco shouted, his ears ringing.

            “Star, girl, you gotta come DJ for all of my house parties!” Jackie said, her legs still trembling from the explosion. “That beat!”

            Star cackled and looked up to see her handiwork, only for her smile to drop from her face: the warship remained, completely undamaged. “I guess they’ve heard that song before.”

            “Oh, excuse me!” the voice thundered from the ship’s speakers. “Did you say something? Was it childish nonsense? Well, allow me to retort!”

            Star rushed forward, brandishing her wand. “Yeah? Well, why don’t you come down here and ‘report’ to my face!”

            “I will!” the voice crooned, the cannons and turrets all trained on Star. “With bullets.”

            “Ruh-roh!” Star rushed back and grabbed Marco and Jackie by the wrists. “Let’s go have some breakfast, huh?”

            “Star? What?!” Marco exclaimed. “Shouldn’t we run?”

            “Nope. We’re going inside so they can’t get a clear shot at me without risking the people here!” Star said, sitting down at an abandoned table.

            “So we’re using these people as shields?!” Jackie said, outraged.

            “Not really. See, the Confederation of Humanity forbids human-on-human violence. They won’t shell the building if there might be humans in it, so they’ll probably send some soldiers down here to get me. Those guys I can fight, but not that ship.”

            “Mewman!” The voice bellowed. “Reveal yourself so that we may teach you a new definition of pain!!”

            “Uh, **_no_**!” Star replied.

            “Come out this instant! If you do not, we will level this city and all within it!”

            “No, you won’t!”

            “You challenge me?!”

            “I’m watching!”

            “All will die screaming in flames!”

            “Doubt it!”

            “They will!”

            “Nuh-uh!”

There was a pause and Star turned back to Marco and Jackie. “See?”

            “So, what’s the plan?” Marco said, waving down a waitress. “Coffee, strong.”

            Star shrugged. “Uhm. Fight the guys they send. Lose, because there’s, like, a thousand of them up there and then die screaming for hours on end. Yeah, I think that sums it up nicely.”

            “That’s not much of a plan,” Marco tapped his chin. “Are you sure you can’t destroy that thing? Can’t your wand do anything?”

            “Well, the manual has a whole bunch of anti-anti-magic spells, but it’s back at the house! We’re not going to be able to get there without literally catching some flak.” Star sighed and looked out the window. “You guys better leave.”

            “What?!” Marco leapt to his feet.

            “Yeah, why?” Jackie reached over and grabbed Star’s hand. “You said they don’t kill humans, so just hide behind us when they come.”

            “They don’t kill humans, but they’ll still beat the crap out of you if you get in their way! Besides,” Star pulled her hand away, “I deserve this for what I did. You guys’d be better off if I was just gone.”

            Marco reached over and grabbed her by the shoulders. “How can you say that? Star, my life has been incredible, both figuratively and literally, ever since you came here! Before, I was just some nerdy safe kid with, like, two friends. If you hadn’t come into my life, I never would have known that I could beat up monsters, or figure out magical warehouse directions, or any of the other things that we’ve done! Without you, I never would have gotten the courage to asked Jackie out!” tears welled up in his eyes, his voice dropped down low. “Star, you’re my best friend, and I will not let something as stupid as an interdimensional empire take you away from me!”

            “I am?” she whispered, a tear spilled down her cheek. “Even after what I did to you?”

            “Yes!” Marco laughed and cried, realizing just how petty the whole affair had been now that imminent death was threatened. “Even after that! After anything! There’s nothing you could ever do that would change that!”

            They pulled each other into a tight hug, Star nestled herself into his chest as he stroked her hair comfortingly. Jackie smiled and rested her chin on her hand. “Awwww!”

            Star broke the hug and looked up at Marco, her eyes half-lidded as she moved in for a kiss. Marco caught himself just in time and stopped himself from doing the same; instead he leaned in and kissed her forehead. Star snapped out of it with a blink and looked at Jackie, who simply watched the two with a sly smile.

            “Heat of the moment,” Star said with a curt ‘ahem’.

            Marco pulled back and nodded, scratching the back of his head. “Yeah, yeah, just, uh, got carried away.”

            “So,” Jackie said, still smiling. “What are we going to do about the Feddies?”

            Star tapped her chin for a moment, chipper as though nothing had happened. “No idea!”

            “Well, maybe if we just wait them out long enough the Army will come and blow them out of the sky?” Jackie suggested, staring out the window and up at the battleship. “That has _got_ to be in violation of at least one airspace law.”

            Marco chuckled bashfully. “No, actually Echo Creek is kinda a no-go for the U.S. military. Apparently, they have a two-dragon limit before they just set up camp outside the city borders and wait for the problem to sort itself out.”

            “The babies,” Star grumbled. “And I only summoned _one_ dragon, thank you very much.”

            “No, remember, there was Anathema the Red Dread, and Vermithrax Pejorative.” Marco counted them off. “Ana was a real jerk.”

            “Vermithrax was a Wyvern, not a dragon!” Star protested. “There’s a difference!”

            “Can we focus?” Jackie interjected. “Can’t you just, I dunno, portal them out of here? They won’t be able to come back a second time if you stop Ludo from contacting them.”

            Star shook her head. “No, that won’t work. I can make a portal that big, sure, but there’d be no way for me to push them through it…unless…” A wide, toothy smile spread across her face. “Oh, yeah. I just had a really interesting idea.”

            “Care to share?”

            “Marco, what’s the date today?”

 

            Ludo and his minions sat outside the diner, each of them with snacks and ice cream, getting comfortable to watch the fun. True, the Confederation’s hesitance to fire on their own kind made the whole thing rather boring to start, but they’d soon be sending down platoons of armed soldiers to apprehend the hateful brat and do all sorts of wonderful things to her. Ludo couldn’t remember the last time he felt so happy.

            “Ooh! Boss!” Deer Beard shouted. “They’re comin’ out! Do you think they’re givin’ up?”

            Ludo looked up and saw Star exit the diner; the boy was in front of her with his arms spread out, behind her was the Jackie-girl, her arms were looped around Star’s midsection, her head resting on her shoulder: human shields.

            “I hope not!” Ludo said, munching on popcorn. “I was hoping they’d come down and beat them up a little. A concussion here, a fracture there, maybe even some smashed teeth!”

            “What’s she doing?” Two-Head said. “Is she casting another spell?”

            Ludo looked over and saw Star summon a sleek and powerful-looking flying pig, he squinted to see what she was giving the creature, his eyes snapping wide in terror when he did: dimensional scissors. “Oh, no! Oh, NO!!”

            The pig flexed his wings and took off into the air with a whoosh. Ludo scrambled and picked up his communicator. “Shoot it down! Shoot it down! It has scissors, shoot it down!”

            The air lit up with flak, the cannons roared and thundered as hundreds of shells converged on the tiny, mobile target. The pig looped and turned, narrowly avoiding the cannon fire. The pig gritted his teeth as he flew through walls of smoke, heat and shrieking metal shrapnel. He streaked over the bow of the ship, reaching the predetermined altitude, and opened the scissors. With an extra burst of speed he zipped over the ship, tearing a great fissure in reality over it. His mission complete, he turned sharply and headed back towards Star in a dive. A well-aimed shot cracked in the air next to him, engulfing him in fire and metal. The smoldering body plummeted downwards, trailing smoke behind him. The flying pig impacted the ground at the trio’s feet; Star knelt next to him and grabbed his hoof.

            “Y-your majesty!” The pig rasped. “Was I…successful?”

            The rift flashed and expanded into a massive portal, Star turned back to him. “Yes, you were. Thank you.”

            “For queen and country, Princess…” he coughed, face contorting in pain. “Let ‘em have it! Tell my wife I love her.”

            “I will.” Star stroked his snout. “That’ll do, pig, that’ll do.”

            The pig gasped and rattled, and was still. A moment later he disappeared in a puff of magic.

            “He had a wife?” Marco scratched his head. “I thought you just sort of, I dunno, _made_ the things you poof up.”

            “Yeah…” Star said, grabbing the scissors. “So did I. Meh. Oh well.”

            She smiled and looked up at the battleship. “This is gonna be cool.”

            “Ha!” the voice over the speaker. “What was that? You made a portal, but surely you must know that there’s no way you can push this vessel through it! Our warding devices–”

            “–Don’t work on Stellar Whales!” Star interrupted gleefully. “And don’t call me ‘Shirley’!”

            “…What?”

            Dozens of enormous tendrils shot out of the portal and snaked around the warships, entangling it and snaking into the hatches and windows. The cannons trained upwards and began to fire to no discernable effect.

            “Oh, no!” Someone had left the speaker on. “By Aegis!! No! Seal all the hatches and gangways! Men, prepare to repel boarders! Battle stations! Battle stations!”

            The ship resisted manfully, but two especially large tendrils emerged from the portal and the massive war machine was abruptly and unceremoniously scooped up into the rift, which disappeared in a flash of energy. “Shit! Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit–”

            After the brief pause, the trio cheered and hugged each other.

            “What kind of whale has tentacles?” Marco muttered, scratching his head.

            “Those weren’t Earth whales?” Jackie offered, shrugging.

            “Those weren’t tentacles,” Star said, a devious smile on her face. “From today on to next week is the Stellar Whale’s breeding season and, well, they’re not exactly picky…”

            “Oh.” Marco paled somewhat.

            Jackie snorted laughter and slapped her knee. “Second biggest dick in the sky, next to that mugging douche on the speaker!”

            “Hope you like a face full of alien wing-wong, you jerks!” Marco shouted at the rapidly dispersing cloud of magical ether.

            The sound of discreet footsteps drew their attention, the three turned to see Ludo and his monsters skulking off. A blast of energy exploded the ground in front of them; the monsters all recoiled and froze.

            “Where are you going?” Star said innocently, her face serene and happy but the glint in her eyes screamed murder. “You weren’t gonna skip out on the best part, were you? It’s been a tough couple of days, and Marco and I are just itching for a good therapeutic monster-stomp!”

            Marco grinned and stepped forward, cracking his knuckles. “Damn skippy! I’m got a couple new moves I want to try out. Oh, and Ludo?”

            “Yes?” Ludo cringed.

            Marco smiled a very unfriendly smile and pointed at the quivering kappa. “ ** _You_**.”

            He turned to Jackie. “You wanna sit this one out?”

            Jackie pulled a piece of rebar from the vaporized wall of the diner; she waggled it in her hands to test the balance. “Hey, you guys make this stuff look fun. Besides, no-one crashes one of my dates and gets away with it!”

            “A-aren’t you getting a little carried away?” Ludo stammered. “I’m sensing a lot of negative energy!”

            Star, Marco, and Jackie advanced on them menacingly, Star said, “Ludo, Ludo, Ludo! If you’re going to graduate into legit baddie territory, you also have to take some legit baddie lumps.”

            “M-monsters!” Ludo shrieked. “Attack!”

            The Monsters leapt forward with a collective roar. Star took aim and blasted Bearicorn, knocking him into an assortment of smaller monsters. Marco ducked a swipe and swept the legs out from under Potato Baby, sending him crashing to the ground where Marco’s heel came whistling down on his windpipe in a perfectly executed axe-kick. Two more monsters sprung up behind him, only for Jackie to leap into view with a war cry, swinging the rebar into their knees and stomachs. Marco leapt up and split-kicked the winded monsters in the head, knocking them both out.

            “Jeez Marco!” Jackie laughed. “You gotta let me hang out with you and Star more often!” She swatted Fly Monster out of the air and stomped his face into the asphalt. “Gitsum!!”

            Marco watched her for a moment, noting how lovely she looked when reveling in violence. Without looking, he ducked a punch from Deer Beard and punched the sensitive nerve cluster in his armpit. The monster yelped, his arm numb, and turned to face Marco, growling. Jackie leapt on Deer Beard’s back, locking the rebar around his bull-like neck as she braced her knees against the back of his head. Marco took the opportunity to sweep his legs out from under him and Jackie drove his face into the ground with her weight. She jumped up off the still monster and grabbed Marco by the collar, pulling him into a passionate kiss. He wrapped his arm around her and deepened it. The flower monster hurled himself at them with a shriek, only to be deflected with a blast of magic. Star was next to them an instant later, an annoyed look on her face.

            “Keep your heads in the game, lovebirds!” She said curtly.

            Jackie scoffed and gestured at Marco. “Have you seen how hot he is when he’s fighting? I’m only human!”

            Star laughed and blasted another monster. “I know, right? I mean it’s almost like he doesn’t even know how hot he is kicking things in his skinny jeans!”

            “Standing right here,” Marco said, though he didn’t particularly mind the topic of conversation.

            “Watch out, though,” Star said pointing at a somewhat dazed monster, which Jackie then bashed with the rebar. “He’s kinda got a zweihander situation going on in his pants!”

            “What?”

            Jackie looked at Marco, who laughed nervously and pointed at the throng of monsters, Ludo could be seen slinking off with a pair of scissors. “Star, Ludo’s getting away!”

            “I’ll give you a boost,” Star shouted, preparing to fire. “Jump!”

            Marco leapt in the air in front of her and was propelled over the crowd by a blast of rainbows. He ducked and rolled as he hit the ground, skidding to a stop in front of a terrified Ludo. A swift kick sent his scissors skittering across the pavement, another kick and Ludo followed. The monsters double back to protect their master, only to have swarm of magic wasps engulf them, followed by Jackie wading into the fray, rebar swinging.

            Marco advanced on Ludo, his fists clenched. “You interrupted my date, you ate my breakfast, and for some reason you never seem to remember my name. And You know what? Whatever. I don’t really care about all that. Well, okay, I do about the date thing; I’m absolutely _livid_. But anyway, you know what I will not stand for: you selling Star out to a bunch of psychopathic tech-knights. Do you have any idea how close I came to losing my best friend? Do you have any idea how **_horrible_** that feels? Well, no, you don’t, but I’m going to break your arms and legs now, so I can only hope that it comes close!”

            Ludo cowered as Marco raised his arm in a chop. With a kiai the boy swung down a blow powerful enough to shatter oak boards, only to have a large, gauntlet-covered hand catch him by the wrist in a crushing grip. Marco looked up to see a tall, scowling man with a preposterous white handlebar moustache.

            “No,” the man growled.

            He balled up a fist and drove it into Marco’s stomach with enough force to lift the boy off his feet. Marco’s breath exploded out of his lungs as a great pain flared through his abdomen. Suddenly, his body simply did not want to work anymore, his knees buckled and the only thing keeping him standing was the crushing grip around his wrist. With a growl the man spun around and threw Marco back at the monsters, which were now moving to regroup around their master. Marco skidded painfully on the asphalt and Star and Jackie both rushed to his side.

            “Marco!” Jackie cried. “Are you okay?”

            “Looks like one of the Feddies jumped ship just in time,” Star said, aiming her wand. “Who are you supposed to be?”

            The man gritted his teeth and threw back his cape with a deliberate flair, he was clad all over in ornate and intimidating metal armor, and hanging from his belt was a large broadsword and scabbard. “I am Captain Hiram Gaunt of the Confederation of Humanity! I have come to–”

            “Pfffft!” Jackie bit her lip and stifled a laugh, sniggering: “O-oh, my God!”

            "What are you–?!” He snapped, outraged.

            “Dude!” Jackie interrupted. “That moustache! His face! He’s the Monopoly Guy!”

            Jackie began to laugh uncontrollably, Marco groaned and got up off the ground, smiling. “Thank you! I knew he looked like someone, that would have driven me nuts!”

            Star blinked and turned back to Gaunt, a smile spreading across her face. “Oh, hey! Yeah, he looks like Space-Knight Pennybags hit the gym and grew a top-knot!”

            At this the three broke down into helpless fits of laughter, with Marco pointing to his eye. “B-but he’s got the monocle thing going on there, too! What, did you kill the Planters Peanut and take it as a trophy?”

            “Are you going to let them get away with that?!” Ludo shouted. “Captain! I demand that you–”

            In an instant Gaunt had drawn the sword and put it to Ludo’s neck. “Leave now, monster. Do not contact me again or I will drink wine out of your skull.”

            Ludo cleared his throat and nodded, picking up the scissors and rushed his monsters through the portal followed by himself, he looked back and sneered. “Have fun.”

            Gaunt leveled his sword at them. “Step away from the children, Mewman! We wouldn’t want them getting hurt, would we?”

            Star leapt forward and let off three blasts from her wand. The blasts evaporated against his armor, but the third exploded into a puff of obscuring pink smoke.             Star grabbed Marco and hugged him tight, she turned to Jackie. “Grab on!”

            Jackie also grabbed onto Marco, pressing her body into his, ‘ _Sandwiched between two pretty girls. If I wasn’t about to die, this would be the best day ever!_ ’

            Star pointed her wand at the ground and fired a shimmering rainbow, pushing them into the air. As they rocketed over the city, Star turned to her friends. “Okay, so! Monopoly back there is decked to the nines with anti-magic stuff that I can’t beat! Also, he’s a full-grown adult with murder-training and body-armor, so neither can either of you. Our only chance to beat him is to get my wand manual and blast him with anti-anti-magic!”

            Marco looked back and shouted in alarm. “Star! Here he comes!”

            Running along their rainbow jet wash was Gaunt, his sword raised. With roar he brought the sword down on the rainbow, slicing it and destroying the magic in a flash. The rainbow flickered and went dim before it shattered with a sharp glassy sound, sending them all plummeting to the ground. Star kept her hold on Marco and pointed her wand at the ground. “Super Comfy Marshmallow Fall Breaker!”

            On the street below them a pink gelatinous marshmallow creature poofed into existence, it babbled inanely for a moment before Star, Marco, and Jackie landed on it with a sickening squish, burying themselves deep within its body. The beast howled in agony as they clawed their way out of its soft flesh and onto the street. Star nonchalantly sent the shrieking creature back to non-existence with a wave of her wand.

            Marco spat out a mouthful of glop and scrapped wads of marshmallow off himself. “You know, we might have to have a talk about all these possibly sapient things you summon. Like, did that marshmallow guy just stop existing, or was he just sent back to where-ever with horrible injuries?”

            Star shrugged. “You know, I never really thought about it much. I kinda hope it’s the non-existence thing.”

            Jackie walked up to them, eating a wad of pink goo, much to the shock and disgust of Star and Marco. “What? I missed breakfast because of monsters. So, what are we gonna do about him?”

            She jabbed a thumb over her should at Gaunt, who was falling very slowly towards them, the soles of his boots glowing slightly with whatever was slowing him down. Star sighed in exasperation. “I hate Feddies, I really do. I guess we run and hope that we get enough of a head start on him for it to matter.”

            “Or…” Jackie said, kneeling next to an Ural motorcycle, which turned on as she stuck a bent hairpin into the ignition connector. A moment later she had mounted the bike and pressed the ignition, and the bike roared to life. “Hop on!”

            “Marry me!” Star laughed in delight and jumped into the sidecar. “Oh, you are _so_ coming on more adventures, Jackie!”

            “Yes to both!” Jackie said with a wry grin.

            Marco seated himself behind her and grasped her firm waist. “Where did you learn to do that?”

            “Hang out with Janna long enough and you learn a few things,” Jackie said with a shrug, craning back to wink at him. “Hold on tight, Darth!”

            The motorcycle lurched forwards as Jackie gunned the throttle and soon they were streaking through traffic, Star hooted in excitement as they tucked and weaved between cars. A few minutes later and they pulled up in front of Marco’s house and leapt off the motorcycle. Marco uttered silent thanks when he saw that the car was gone, he wouldn’t have to worry about his parents getting caught up in this.

            Marco turned to Star. “Star! You go read your book, if Pennybags shows up, Jackie and I will stall him. We’ll buy you the time you need to find that spell.”

            Star looked back and forth between them, worried. “Okay! Just be careful, both of you!”

            Star rushed inside, looking back at them for a moment before closing the door.

            “Is it always this interesting, Marco?” Jackie said, trying to hide the nervousness in her voice. “Or are you two just showing off for me?”

            “Meh, this is more or less normal, actually.”

            There was a pause; both of them scanned the skies for any sign of Gaunt. There was none, Marco sighed in relief, it seemed like they lost him.

            “So,” Jackie said abruptly. “Star’s seen your dick?”

            Marco tried to stammer out a response, Jackie laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. “Hey, I totally understand. She’s way the hell into you and you’d have to be ace to not get in on that.”

            “Ace? Well, maybe I’m gay!” Marco said jokingly. “Ever think of that?”

            “Girl, please. Nobody’s that gay,” Jackie retorted.

            Star appeared behind them, smiling. “I get that a lot.”

            “I bet you do,” Jackie said, leaning in a whispering, “So when you say ‘zweihander’, you mean…?”

            Star spaced her hands apart and Jackie whistled, impressed. Marco cleared his throat and interrupted. “So, Star. Did you find the spell already? Glossaryk wasn’t a total dick this time?”

            “Yes and no, in that order!” she said excitedly. “Only there’s a hitch.”

            “What’s that?”

            “It takes something like ten minutes to reformat the wand into anti-anti-magic, so we should probably skedaddle because odds are Ludo gave him your home address. I’ve already started up the process, though.”

            “Well, hop on!” Jackie said, turning to the Ural. “Might as well take this thing for a proper spin.”

            There was a thunderous crack and a hypersonic dart smashed into the motorcycle, obliterating it utterly. The three spun around to see Gaunt, his wrist-guard mounted gun smoking. He stepped off the city bus, turning briefly to thank the bus driver before resuming his menacing advance.

            Jackie groaned. “Man, the _one_ time Echo Creek Transit doesn’t suck and it’s for the guy that’s trying to kill us!”

            “I’m not going to kill you, child,” he said softly, drawing his sword. “Just the Mewman. So, please, stand aside that I may remove the one thing keeping this realm from the Confederation.”

            “Uh, no,” Marco said, stepping forward. “Fuck that.”

            “Language, children, language,” Gaunt chided.

            He leapt forward with a shout, grabbing Marco by the collar, lifting him into the air and hurling him at the ground. Jackie ran forward with her rebar, smashing it uselessly against his armored back. Gaunt threw his sword tip-first at Marco, pinning him to the ground by his hoodie. His hand shot out and grabbed the metal bar from Jackie. With grunt of exertion, he bent the rebar in half with his hands, tossing it across the lawn.

            “Whoa, dang,” Jackie said, backing up.

            Gaunt reached out and flung her out of the way and advanced on Star, metal-clad hands flexing. “Perhaps I’ll just throttle you instead. A little lacking in flair, but it’ll get the job done.”

            “Get away from her!” Marco bellowed, charging at them with Gaunt’s sword.

            He simply sidestepped the oncoming boy and grabbed him by the wrists, twisting the sword out of his hands, which he caught. “Sloppy.”

            A hard elbow to the cheek sent Marco sprawling on the ground. Gaunt cackled and set a boot down on Marco’s chest. A shrill whistle drew his attention, he turned to see Jackie wind up and hurl her former weapon directly at his head. The bent piece of rebar hurtled towards him, catching him across the face with a satisfying ‘thwak’! “Ah!”

            Star bolted towards him and leapt into the air, kicking his back with both feet. Gaunt stumbled forward as Marco shot to his feet and, with a single swing of his legs, had swept the warrior’s feet out from under him, sending him crashing to the ground. Gaunt was on his feet in an instant, looking warily at the trio of teenagers opposite him.

            “Good teamwork,” he said angrily, noting the blood trickling from the gash on his temple. “If you’re any indication, this planet will produce many fine warriors when we conquer it.”

            Jackie picked up a heavy piece of debris from the motorcycle off the ground; she wound up and threw it. “Conquer this!”

            “‘Conquer this’?” Star said, unimpressed.

            “Hey, they can’t all be winners.”

            Gaunt laughed contemptuously and swatted the solid chunk of aluminum out of the air, where it proceeded to smack Sabrina clean between the eyes as she was walking by. The girl yelped in pain and surprise and crumpled to the ground, Gaunt gasped in shock. “By Aegis! Are you hurt, girl?”

            Marco rushed over and knelt next to her. “Sabrina? What are you doing here?”

            “I-I was stopping by to see if you knew what the answer was to question seven in our history homework,” she said, beginning to cry as blood trickled down her forehead. “What’s going on here? Wh-why do these things keep happening to me?!”

            Gaunt grabbed Marco by the shoulders and threw him aside, kneeling down next to her with a strange-looking metal cylinder. “A thousand pardons, fair maid! I should have been paying attention! Here, I’ll see to your injuries.”

            He effortlessly picked Sabrina up off the ground and set her on her feet, he touched the cylinder to her forehead and in a flash of teal energy the wound was gone. Gaunt took a step back and bowed deeply. “Please accept my humblest apologies!”

            Marco appeared at his side and yanked his cape up and over his head. Before Gaunt had the chance to right himself, Marco had swept in behind him and delivered a swift kick to his rear, sending the much larger man sprawling on the sidewalk, tangled and cursing in his cape.

            Marco looked up at Sabrina. “Run.”

            Sabrina nodded as Marco turned to run off with Star and Jackie; Marco turned back and called to her. “And it’s the Gettysburg Address!”

 

            The trio turned the corner and kept on running, ducking into a back alley and turning another corner onto an adjacent street. They took a sharp corner and ducked in behind a building, taking a moment to catch their breath.

            “Okay, we need a battle plan here because kicking the guy in plate armor isn’t working!” Jackie panted. “Or a gun. Anyone got a gun?”

            Marco put a hand on Star’s shoulder. “How much longer until you can make his head explode?”

            Star flipped open the wand, the unicorn inside was in the process of programming the treadmill to run backwards. “Two minutes? Three?”

            The unicorn looked up and made a ‘more or less’ gesture, Star groaned, exasperated. “Need a straight answer here! There’s still a lot of magic-magic left in this thing though, for all the good it’ll do!”

            Jackie peeked around the corner and jumped back with a yelp. “He’s just turned the corner! We need to think of something!”

            Marco grabbed a crowbar that was leaning next to a garbage can and headed for the street. “Well, I think I can buy you some time.”

            Star reached out and grabbed him by the arm. “Or, he’ll kill you! Yeah, he doesn’t kill humans, but I think we’ve pissed him off enough!”

            “Oh, you think?” Marco snapped. “Between the constant theft and getting his ship both figuratively and literally fucked, yeah, I’d say he’d be pretty pissed off!”

            Star sighed and leaned against the brick wall. “You’re right…it’s me he’s after. I’m sorry I got you both messed up in this.”

            “Hmmm…” Jackie tapped her finger against her chin. “And maybe there’s a way for you to buy us some time…”

 

            Gaunt casually strolled down the street, a smirk on his face; did they really think that they could hide from him? His mechanical eye could detect not only their pheromone trails, but also the wand’s unmistakable energy signature. The Mewman had proved to be marginally cagey prey, opting to flee rather blast away uselessly at his warded armor. Her companions, despite being mere children, were also proving to be difficult obstacles, almost to the point where he contemplated the anathema that was kind-killing. He shook this off quickly enough; they were only children bewitched by a Mewman enchantress, and were therefore deserving, no, in desperate need of Aegis’ mercy. The Mewman would still have to die, though.

            Speak of the devil: the Mewman darted out from an alley, seemed to notice him, and took off into an alley across the street. He grinned and pursued her; soon vengeance would be his. Gaunt thundered after her, his armor clattering and his footfalls heavy but quick. He saw her look over her shoulder, gasp in terror, and try to run faster. His hand shot out to grab a handful of her long golden hair, but failed to find purchase. She slid on her feet as she cornered hard, only just barely keeping in front of him as she did, Gaunt himself could not slow down in time and smashed into the brick wall. She abruptly skidded to a stop; it was a dead end.

            “End of the line for you, Mewman!” Gaunt said, slowly advancing on the cornered girl. “For your crimes, for your _heresy_ , you will now face justice!”

            She spun around, her blue eyes large as saucers, it struck him then with a note of disgust how human she looked. It was endemic of their kind, trickery and deception was imbued in the very fiber of their being. She smiled nervously, her voice scared and unsteady. “H-hey now big fella! Uh, what’s this all about even! C’mon, aren’t you taking this a little far? I’m a kid! What could I have done to deserve a freakin’ _death_ sentence?!”

            Gaunt paused, outraged: did this thing honestly question the nature of her crimes? “You stole multiple Aether shipments, destroyed our airships, and violated our borders. That is reason enough for your immediate destruction! But you _dare_ to ask why? You have the audacity to dismiss your vile appropriation of the Sword of Aegis?!”

            “The sword of what-now?” She said flatly.

            “The-the Sword of Aegis!” he bellowed, going red in the face. “The sword of the Man Emperor of Mankind! The blade that spilled the devil’s blood and decollated the Gods of Discord! The weapon that symbolizes human supremacy over the fell and blasphemous forces of magic! THAT SWORD!!”

            She blinked and laughed, waving her hand dismissively. “Oh, yeah. _That_ sword.”

            Gaunt stormed forward and grabbed her by the neck, lifting her clean off the ground with one hand and slamming her hard against the brick wall. “Enough of this heresy. As much as I would love to make you suffer the appropriate amount, you removed my workshop along with my ship! I suppose this will have to do.”

            He brought his sword up and leveled it with her thin, milky throat; he turned her head to face him. “Look at me. Look me in the eyes, Mewman! I want to see you die.”

            The black, hazy edge of the blade brushed against her flesh. There was a flash of white light as the magic was dispelled. There, in his hands, choking and red, was the human girl with the green streak in her hair.

            Horrified, Gaunt dropped her and stepped away. “I-I’m sorry! You looked-you looked like her! I–”

            She rose to her feet and coughed, her breathing ragged. “You psycho! You were way the hell into killing a child, but bam, suddenly she’s human and now you’re Mr. Sensitive?!”

            He ignored this outburst and turned around, reacquiring the trail of magic. “Go home, child. I’ll free you of her spell in due time.”

            He stumbled forward as a heavy body impacted his back. The girl had leapt on him and was pounding the back of his head with her fists. Gaunt withstood this ineffectual assault; the only thing being damaged was his patience. That is, until her hand grasped the power cable for his prosthetic eye and gave it a yank, tearing the wire out of its socket. Gaunt roared in outrage as his eye went dark; the cable was now torn clean away from the battery. Gaunt reached up and grabbed the girl by the arm and cast her to the ground as though she were a sack of feathers.

            “Little girls…” He growled as he reached down and plucked her off the asphalt, tucking her under his arm with her rump facing outwards. Turning his sword, Gaunt wound up and struck her rear hard with the flat of his blade. It whistled through the air as he paddled her, the girl’s defiant and indignant insults quickly gave way to yelps and cries of pain. “Should! Res!pect! Their! El!ders! Har!lot!”

            Gaunt sheathed his sword and tossed her to the ground and strode over her, her face red with embarrassment as tears streamed down her cheeks. “Now go home to your mother!”

            “Fuck you!” he called after him, her voice was shrill and catching. “You just defaced a national treasure!”

            “Trollop…” he grumbled, running down the alley.

            She slowly got to her feet, pulling her phone out of her pocket, a pained smile on her face.

 

            “How much longer, Star?” Marco called out, sick with worry. “We have to save Jackie!”

            “She’s fine!” Star said, desperately shaking the wand. “C’mon, c’mon…”

            Marco’s phone hummed as he got a text. “It’s Jackie!”

            ‘ _Marco! Monopoly’s on his way!_ ’ it read. ‘ _Owww! He paddled the hell outta me!_ ’

            ‘ _He beat you up?_ ’ Marco responded. ‘ _Are you okay?_ ’

            ‘ _lol I’m fine. He literally spanked my ass like with the flat bit on his sword. That shit hurts!_ ’

            ‘ _What? That weirdo!_ ’

            ‘ _Right? Kiss it better later? ;)_ ’

            ‘ _Ha ha?_ ’

            ‘ _Oh, and I yanked the chord out of his stupid monocle thing, so he’s down an eye! Sorry I couldn’t do more!_ ’

            ‘ _You did just fine, I’m so proud of you!_ ’

            ‘:D’

            “Jackie’s okay!’ Marco told Star. “But Douchey McMoustache is on his way!”

            “I need more time!” Star exclaimed.

            “Then hide! I’ll buy you some time!” Marco brandished the crowbar. “Hopefully he’ll take his time kicking my ass.”

            Star rushed forward and hugged him tight; she buried herself in his chest, muffling her voice. “I meant it, Marco. I know you don’t believe me, but I meant every word.”

            Marco hugged her back, pushing his face into her voluminous hair, breathing in her scent. “I believe you. I always did. I won’t let anything happen to you, not while I live, because I…”

            “Don’t say it,” She hugged him tighter, cutting him off. “Wait until after.”

            Marco nodded; he heard heavy, metallic footsteps stomping closer and closer. Gingerly, he pushed Star away from him; she let go reluctantly and looked up at him, she leaned in ad kissed him softly on the lips. With that she ducked into an adjoining alley and hid behind a garbage can.

            ‘ _Alright!_ ’ Marco thought, walking towards the entrance of the alley. ‘ _Well, this is pretty cliché, isn’t it? Badass man takes a heroic stand while the woman hides. Only in this case, the woman’s holding the only thing that can actually_ win _the fight…oh man, this guy’s gonna just beat the shit outta me, isn’t he? This is gonna_ suck _!_ ’

            Without flair or drama, Gaunt turned the corner, a surprised expression on his face. “You know, I assumed that you would run a little farther away. That little tart and her diversion certainly gave you a head start.”

            “Yeah, well, maybe I’m tired of running!” Marco said, brandishing the crowbar. “Maybe I just wanted another crack at you!”

            Gaunt reached down and drew his sword, sweeping it out in front of him. Marco felt something catch the crowbar; a high ‘ping’ rang out like someone had flicked it. Marco looked on in horror as the solid steel bar snapped in half, cleanly cut. He examined the half he was holding and laughed nervously. “Uh…are you sure that you don’t want to talk this out like rational adults?”

            The much larger man reached out and swatted the boy atop his head with the flat of his blade, as though he were scolding a dog. “Ow!”

            “Do you think I enjoy pummeling children?” Gaunt said, swatting him again, across the face this time. “I don’t, but if the Mewman thought pitting brainwashed teenagers against me would break my resolve, she’s sorely mistaken. It only makes her death that much more a necessity! Where is she?”

            “I ‘unno,” Marco said sardonically. “Have you tried calling her cell?”

            Another swat, much harder, this time on the shoulder. “Where is she?”

            Marco hissed in pain, but smiled, “On Mewni! She zapped out of here like ten minutes ago! You lost her, bruh!”

            Another hard strike from the sword across the face, this time drawing blood. “Nice try, but after creating a battleship-sized portal, her scissors would be drained! Now, where is she?!”

            Marco pulled his hand away from his face, examining the blood; he glared up at his attacker. “Right behind you.”

            Gaunt spun around and Marco charged at him, only to have the surprisingly fast warrior double back and grab him by the throat. Marco was lifted clean off the ground and slammed into a wall. Fingers encased in steel squeezed his throat with an implacable grip. “Where. Is. She?”

            “*! *!” Marco slapped the armored wrist, smashing his knee painfully into Gaunt’s breastplate.

            “What’s wrong with you? I’m wearing _armor_ , you idiot, kicking doesn’t work! Now tell me where the Mewman is so that I can skin her alive!”

            Marco shot Gaunt a frustrated look, tapping his gauntlet and making choked sounds. Gaunt caught on and put him down, releasing his grip. “Right, right. Sorry.”

            Marco rubbed his neck and caught his breath for a moment; he looked around the soldier, a smile on his face. “Oh, hey Star…”

            Gaunt’s face fell, unimpressed. “Did you really think that would work again?”

            “Hey, Marco!” came from behind.

            Gaunt snapped around, his sword at the ready, Marco swept in on his left, reached into his hoodie pocket and threw a handful of sand into the warrior’s remaining eye. “Pocket sand!”

            Gaunt bellowed in rage and swung his sword blindly. “Miserable little–!”

            “Hey, Monopoly!!” Marco shouted, smashing half of the crowbar into Gaunt’s sword hand, knocking the blade to the ground. “Go to jail!”

            Marco then leapt into the air and caught him across the face with a crushing roundhouse kick. “Do not pass go!”

            Dazed, Gaunt stumbled across the alley, stopping when he felt something against his stomach, he blinked the sand out of his painful, weeping eye and looked down. Before him was Star, her wand pressed against his armor, a devious smile on her face. “Do not collect two hundred dollars.”

            The wand pulsed with energy as it charged up. Gaunt screamed as a burning, electrified light consumed him, the only thing he could hear over the shrieking energy was: “MEGA ASS-KICKING DONKEY PUNCH!!”

            A donkey composed of blinding white energy leapt forward and punched him square in the chest, enveloping him in burning magical fire as he hurtled across the alley, impacting the concrete wall with enough force to crater it. As the smoke cleared Gaunt peeled out of the crater, setting one foot on the ground, his armor crumbled off of him like ash. He stood for a moment, panting. “Is that all you got?”

            He took another step forward, his remaining eye, red and watering, rolled up white and he collapsed on the asphalt. He twitched once, twice, and was then still.

            Marco turned back to Star, a relieved smile on his face. Star simply stared at him, her eyes longing. The two rushed together and embraced, their lips meeting in a frantic, passionate kiss. Star broke the kiss and locked eyes with him. “You can say it now.”

            “I lo–” Marco began.

            “Ahem!” the pair looked over to see Jackie standing in the entrance to the alley, a surprised look on her face, she raised her had in a wave. “Hi.”

            “Hey,” Star responded, still clinging to Marco.

            “I ran here as fast as I could, I saw that flash and thought­–” Jackie said, walking towards them, stopping at Gaunt’s prostrate form, nudging it gently with her foot. “Oh snap, is he dead?”

            “Hrrrnnng…” Gaunt replied.

            “Huh. Anyway–”

            Marco pried Star off of him and walked over to Jackie, distraught. “Jackie, I know what you saw, but it’s not how it looks!”

            “You were kissing Star.”

            “Yes, but–okay it’s how it looks, but still really like you!” Marco said.

            “I know.”

            “But…I also like Star.” Marco blinked in revelation. “I… _really_ like Star.”

            Jackie nodded. “I know.”

            “Like, she’s my best friend, but also something more…”

            Jackie winked at Star over Marco’s shoulder. “Yeah, she’s something else, alright.”

            Marco sighed and slumped. “Look. I’d really like for us to work out, but I also can’t ignore my feelings for her. My dad told me that being a man means making a choice, and I am but it still sucks. I know I cheated on you, I know I betrayed your trust, but I’d really like it if we could…I dunno, hang out?”

            Jackie tapped her chin, as though in deep thought. “You know, I thought it was weird that you got so good at kissing so quickly. But I guess it makes sense if you’d been practicing.”

            Star stepped forward, rubbing her arm bashfully. “I may have been the cause of all this. I told Marco that it’s not cheating if it’s just practice.”

            “And he bought that?” Jackie said, amused.

            “Like discount _pescado_ ,” Marco said, embarrassed. “Look, I’d understand if you don’t–”

            Jackie put a finger to his lips and smiled. “Diaz, do I look pissed off? Yes, I feel cheated, yes, I feel betrayed, but only because I don’t get to make out with her too.”

            Marco’s jaw dropped, he turned to Star, who was similarly dumbstruck; she looked back at him and smiled, nodding frantically and giving him a double thumbs up. Marco turned back to Jackie, his face serious. “You’re right. That’s unforgiveable. I am absolutely disgusted with my selfishness.”

            Jackie stepped between them and put her arms around their shoulders. “Don’t worry. I think that between the two of you, you can find some way to make it up to me.”

            Star laughed and put her arm around Jackie’s waist. “Eh, Monopoly is a stupid game, anyway.”

            The three paused for a beat and then laughed, Marco stopped and looked confused. “I don’t get it.”

            A groan drew their attention to the figure on the ground.

            “Oh, right. That guy’s still here,” Star said.

            “What are we going to do with him? It’s not like we can kill him.”

            “It’s not?” Star intoned.

            “No. We don’t kill people, do we?” Jackie asked.

            “Of course not! We should send him back to wherever he came from, but we should also make sure he doesn’t return. Ludo and his goons are one thing, but I’m pretty sure that this guy will just straight up kill us in our sleep. And I recently found out that I have a _lot_ to live for…” Marco walked over and flipped him over, recoiling immediately after. “Whoa, okay, he’s, uh, very nude!”

            Star smiled deviously. “I have an idea.”

 

            Gaunt groaned, blinking the gritty feeling out of his eye. Every muscle in his body ached; burns and lesions on his skin were hot and fresh. He sat up, embracing the pain and using the adrenaline to rouse his senses. He could tell by the air, by the subtle differences in they way the light shone through it, that he was back home. He looked down at himself; he was clad in some beige knee-length pant-like garment laden with pockets and buttons. His torso was wrapped in the flimsy, polyester embrace of some hideously garish number featuring tapa designs and floral patterns, all set in an eye-assaulting turquoise dye. The fuzzy recollection of the past few hours returned to him, the Mewman had defeated him, subdued him, but had left him alive. It was an unbearable stain on his honor! He seethed and vowed to himself that he would return to Earth, slay the foul creature, her accomplices, and anything else that stood in his way until the Sword of Aegis had–!

            He looked at the ground to his left; there, in a neat little pile, were three Aether cubes and the Emperor’s precious sword. Around the scabbard was a note, fastened with a colorful silk bow, attached to the note was half a dozen squares of stiff glossy paper. He unfastened the note, gingerly and deferentially pulling it from the glorious blade. The handwriting was artless but fanciful, a young girl’s handwriting, it read:

            _Dear ~~Monopoly Guy~~ ~~Pennybags~~ ~~Bald Asshole~~ Captain Gaunt._

 _Do you even know my name? All you ever call me is ‘Heretic’ or ‘Mewman’. Anyway, it’s Star, Star Butterfly, I’m the princess of Mewni, so there’s that. Blah blah blah treaty blah blah blah declaration of war blah blah. Look, I’m not going to do any of that stuff and cause a big ruckus, instead I’m going to give back ~~Muh Dick~~ the Sword of Ages (sp?) and some of the Aether I’ve been ganking as a peace-offering. Also, we shaved that grody moustache off your face, because_ …damn _._

_You’re welcome._

            Gaunt reached up and touched the bare skin of his upper lip, gritting his teeth in outrage. He continued to read the letter:

 _Because I get the feeling that you’re some kind of super-determined murder-guy, enclosed is what my boi Marco calls ‘insurance’. Jackie calls it ‘blackmail’._ I _call it ‘extortion’; it just sounds cooler because of the ‘X’. Here’s just a few of several hundred pictures we took of you after you got donkey-rekt. Enjoy!_

            He took off the glossy sheets and looked at them, cold, unyielding dread gripped him as he saw what they had done. First off, he was naked in all of them, save for whatever inane hat or, in one case, skirt they had affixed to his unconscious form. Most of them were just his body, posed ridiculously and bare with increasingly intricate patterns and drawings etched on him with a marker; his face and cheeks especially were festooned with hearts, expletives, and dicks. The note had a few sentences left:

_Ha ha. Yeah…if you show your bald, wrinkly scrote-face on Earth again, these pictures go multiversal! Everyone would know that you didn’t just lose to a bunch of kids, but wound up naked and posed like a Ken-doll! But hey, you got your Aether, you got your sword, and you got some guys you can blame it on. (Psst! I’m talking about Ludo and his dope-brigade)._

_Love_

_Star Butterfly_

_Marco Diaz_

_Jackie Lynn Thomas_

_P.S. I’m keeping Lefty. He’s mine now and I love him._

_P.P.S. We might totally call you up to score us booze sometime._

            Gaunt contemplated his situation somberly. Was living as an exile, a failure, a punchline to every barroom joke in the Confederation really that much worse than this? He sighed and got to his feet: yes, but only just. He had the sword, he had the Aether, and he had some conveniently monstrous scapegoats to pin the fiasco on. Gaunt fancied himself a reasonable man, a rational man, and a _smart_ man. He headed for the nearest outpost, holy relic in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: no titties, no beejs, tl;dr  
> To be concluded next chapter, three-way ahoy!  
> GIVE ME ALL THE REVIEWS


	6. Conference

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Turns out I'm a dirty filthy liar.  
> Read on to find out how.

            Star opened her mouth and inserted a syrupy forkful of pancake, grunting in surprise. “Oh hey, these _are_ really good!”

            “Yeah, that’s why I like to eat here,” Jackie said, taking a bag of frozen peas from a waitress. “Thanks, Sylvia.”

            “No prob, Jack,” Sylvia rasped. “You just keep that boy a’yours outta trouble, shame to see a pretty face all bruised up like that.”

            Jackie smiled and abruptly pressed the cold bag against Marco’s bruised, painful cheek. “Don’t worry, he’s got me looking after him now.”

            “Oww!” Marco hissed as much at the cold as at the pain. “How come I can fight huge monsters no problem, but some old guy wipes the floor with me?”

            “Aww, c’mon!” Star said through a mouthful. “You did alright!”

            Marco scoffed and gestured at his face, one cheek swelling and bruised from the steel elbow he had taken, the other an ugly raised welt with a long, shallow cut near the top. “Are you kidding? I got dunked as fuck!”

            “Hey, at least you didn’t get your ass spanked like a five-year-old!” Jackie said gesturing to the bag of peas she was sitting on. “He told me to go home to my parents and everything! That’s just embarrassing!”

            “He picked me up and threw me, like, twice! Pretty sure I might have a concussion!”

            “And I’m just fine thanks to my two human shields!” Star chirped happily, reaching over and patting both their hands. “You know, I think the three of us make a pretty great team!”

            Jackie laughed and reached across the table and pulled Star into a headlock and began to noogie her. “Yeah, it’s a pretty sweet dynamic we got here!”

            Star laughed and tapped her forearm. “Ahh! Okay okay, I give!”

            Jackie gingerly sat back down and looked at the two of them. “So! Any plans for today?”

            “Heal,” Marco groaned, holding the peas to his face.

            “Meal,” Star said, stuffing more pancake into her mouth.

            Jackie tapped the table rhythmically and leaned in. “You know…my parents’ll be gone until tomorrow night. What say we heal and meal at my place, you know, chill out, watch some Netflix?”

            “I get asked to Netflix and chill a lot,” Star said obliviously. “What’s Netflix?”

            “A movie and show playing website,” Marco said, a smile tugging at the sides of his mouth. “Though I think you’d be more interested in the chocolate fondue.”

            “What’s that?”

            Marco shrugged. “It’s where you have a big vat of hot liquid chocolate and dip food in it.”

            A ‘clink’ sounded throughout the diner as Star’s fork hit the plate; she stared at them, her eyes wide. “You can dip food in chocolate? Like, at _home_? THAT’S **_LEGAL_**?!”

            Marco nodded; he had been expecting this reaction. “Yep. At home and everything.”

            “It’s not just food you can dip in there, either,” Jackie said, winking.

            “Why are we still here?!” Star said, shooting to her feet. “To Jackie’s house!”

            “We still have to pay,” Marco said, gesturing at Star’s food. “Finish your pancakes.”

            Star grumbled and reluctantly shoveled the syrupy mess into her mouth. “Lousy pancakes, not dipped in chocolate or nothin’!”

            “We should probably drop by my place before we head out, Star,” Marco said, getting up and putting money on the table. “I don’t know about you, but I’m gonna want to shower and stuff first.”

            Star stuffed the last of the pancake into her mouth and nodded, not bothering to speak through her mouthful.

            “Good idea,” Jackie agreed. “Actually, I should probably clean the place up and get things together for you guys. How does four-o’clock sound? That gives you two about an hour to powder your noses and knock back some aspirin.”

            “Good idea, Jackie.” Marco leaned in and pecked her on the cheek. “We’ll be there.”

            “Yeah, it’s a date!” Star said, winking and nudging her with her elbow for just a little too long. “Eh? Eh? Geddit? Geddit? A ‘date’? Eh?”

            “C’mon Star,” Marco said, grabbing her arm as he walked by. “See you later, ‘Jack’.”

            Jackie waved at them as they left. ‘ _What have I gotten myself into?’_

 

            Marco opened the door to his house. “Mom? Dad? I’m home! Star’s here too!”

            Angie shot to her feet, a cup of tea in her hands and a nervous look on her face. “Marco! What on earth happened?!”

            Marco blushed as his mother began to fuss over his injuries. “Oh, uh, I just had a fall.”

            “Angie, what’s wrong?” Rafael called from the kitchen.

            “Marco looks like he’s been getting into fights again!”

            “It didn’t, by chance, have had anything to do with that space ship hovering over downtown or the exploded motorcycle in front of our house, did it?” his father said from the kitchen, sternly.

            “Uhhh…” Star mumbled, smiling winsomely. “It might’ve, maybe, sorta had _everything_ to do with that. Look, long story short, some space-knight guys wanted to peel my skin off and Marco helped me stop them and that’s why he’s all roughed up.” Star reached over and weaved her fingers with Marco’s; she then leaned over and kissed him softly on his cheek. “He saved my life, actually.”

            “Well, I don’t think that’s­­–” Rafael said, craning his neck to see them, only to be shushed by Angie.

            “Well, I suppose what’s important is that you’re both okay. It’s so good to see you feeling better, Star!” Angie said, clasping her hands together happily. “Dinner’s at six, okay?”

            “Actually, Mom,” Marco said, turning to look at her as they walked up the stairs. “Star and I will be having a get-together at Jackie’s tonight, we’ll be heading out at four.”

            “Yeah!” Star chirped. “We’re gonna Netflix and chill!”

            “What?!” Rafael exclaimed as Angie beamed even wider.

            “Just watching Netflix and relaxing, Dad! We did almost die, I think we deserve a break!” Marco said, placatingly. “Besides, we’ll have a chaperone, right Star?”

            Marco made a crawling gesture with his hand and Star smiled. “Yeah, no funny business with him around!”

            “Are you sure?” Angie called up to them. “It’s just a little odd, you know?”

            “No it’s not! My girlfriend and my girlfriend would have to hang out eventually. Why not now?”

 

            Marco and Star entered the bathroom and closed the door, locking it. Marco sighed and shook his head. “I think my mom wants us to date.”

            “Lucky day for her, then,” said Star.

            Marco turned to her, his expression unsure. “I don’t think we should bring up our relationship with Jackie to Mom and Dad, I don’t think they’d understand.”

            “Not even sure I understand!” Star laughed nervously, suddenly looking very vulnerable. “Which one am I?”

            “What?”

            Her brow furrowed. “Which one am I, your girlfriend or your girl-friend?”

            Marco smiled and hugged her. “I meant that my girlfriend ** _s_** should hang out. Plural.”

            Star nestled into him and squeezed him tight. “So you didn’t pronounce the hyphen?”

            “How is a hyphen even pronounced?”

            “Like this,” Star said, leaning in. “Kiss-me.”

            Her lips set upon his, delicately at first, but then harder, his mouth opening to accept her tongue. Energized by the recent brush with death, Marco returned the favor with gusto, letting his hand drift down to the small of her back, pulling her hips into his. Star reached down and grabbed his taut rear, her hands drifting up and under his hoodie and shirt, up to the lean tense muscles of his back and shoulders. Marco stood back and let her pull them up and over his head, she gasped at what she saw. He was covered in bruises and scrapes, worst was over his abdomen where Gaunt had delivered a vicious, metal-clad punch, leaving a huge purple and red starburst the size of a grapefruit. She traced it with her fingers, causing him to hiss and wince.

            “I’m so sorry, Marco,” she said, her voice hushed and quivering. “For everything.”

            “Don’t be.” Marco tilted her chin up to meet his gaze. He was smiling warmly. “I’d do it again. Anyone who tries to take you away or hurt you will have to get through me first! When you were ready to give up, to let them come and get you…I don’t think I’ve ever been more scared in my whole life.” Tears began to well up in his eyes. “Don’t ever talk like that again!”

            Star rushed in and kissed him again, more frantically this time. “I won’t.”

            She guided his hands down to her waist; he grasped the hem of her dress and pulled it off. Star pressed herself against him and clutched his bare back, nuzzling his shoulder, careful to avoid brushing over the scuffs and bruises there. She smirked to herself when she felt him trying to remove her bra without success. “I guess I still have more to teach you Diaz-san?”

            “Shut up,” he muttered, impatiently fumbling with the clasp. “Jeez! Is there a combination lock on this thing?!”

            Star reached back and guided his hands, unclasping the latch and letting the garment fall to the floor. Marco stood back and admired the view, her breasts were, at best, modest in size, but what was there was firm and perky, her nipples were the same shade of pink as the hearts on her cheeks. He recalled that the last time he had seen them there was some nonsense about practice and false pretenses, but he couldn’t have cared less at that moment in time. Besides, all that business was resolved, and all that remained was the fact that he was standing opposite a beautiful mostly naked girl that he loved. Only one thought crossed his mind at that moment. ‘ _Why are my pants still on?_ ’

            “I-I know they’re not all ‘bow’ like Jackie’s are, but–” Star started to say before Marco reached out and cupped them in his hands, his thumbs brushing over her erect nipples as he squeezed gently. Star leaned against the wall and sighed shakily, caressing his chest as he leaned in and nibbled her ear. “Not that you seem to care!”

            Star moaned as Marco ground his bulge into her, his cock straining against his tight jeans. She reached down and unbuttoned his jeans and parted his fly, pulling them down over his hips where he was able to kick them off. Immediately, his erection sprang forward, his briefs doing little if anything to conceal it, he instinctively jammed it into the crux of her thighs, eliciting a gasp from Star, all that separated them was two flimsy sheets of fabric, able to be discarded in an instant.

            “That?” Marco panted; he could feel her heartbeat through her entire body as he pressed against her, the heat from her sex was almost unbearable.

            “What about Jackie?” Star said, clenching her thighs around his cock in a pointed gesture, as if he could back out now.

            “She’s not here,” Marco said, smirking. “Even if she was, she’d have to wait. This time it’s between us.”

            Star smiled and nodded. “Damn skippy!”

            The final garments were removed in a moment. Star hopped up onto the counter and opened her legs, beckoning him over with a finger. Marco gulped and positioned himself, his heart thundering in his chest. He leaned in and kissed her, pressing his forehead against hers as he looked into her eyes, she smiled and draped her arms over his shoulders. “Go slowly.”

            Marco pushed forward, gasping as her hot, wet body enveloped him. Her fingers dug into his back as he continued, a stifled cry escaping Star as she flinched.

            “Star?” Marco stopped, worried. “Are you okay?”

            “Yeah! Just, uh, you’re a lot bigger than what I’m used to.” Star took a deep breath and nodded. “Keep going.”

            ‘ _Used to?_ ’ Marco thought. ‘ _Duh! Of course she’s not a virgin! How else would she know all this stuff? …Heh…I’m bigger than Tom. YES!_ ’

            Marco continued to slide in, past half way now and going, Star pulled herself close, whispering breathy encouragement into his ear. Finally, Marco felt their bodies touch as he hilted himself. He sighed in pleasure and stayed there and looked her in the eyes, connected to her beyond the mere physical bonding. Star looked up at him, her expression distant and her eyes somewhat glazed, her cheeks rosy and glossy with arousal.

            “How’s that?” Marco said with a nervous chuckle, manfully resisting the urge to thrust wildly. “I mean, I can give you a bit more time to get used to–”

            “Shut up and fuck me,” Star commanded, grabbing the hair on the back of his head.

            To Star’s surprise, he smirked and pulled out nearly all the way before slamming back in. She gasped and arced her back, the feeling wasn’t exactly painful but it was strong, whatever it was. Marco felt himself bottom out and saw the shock on her face plain as day, but could see no pain, which was all the go-ahead he needed. His hips thudded into hers like a piston, Star choked on a cry as not to alert Marco’s parents downstairs. Marco panted and grunted as he thrust into her, stooping down to take one of her little pink nipples into his mouth, sucking and biting it lightly. Star’s gasps and squeaks soon became a low and steady moan that underscored the soft slapping of their sweat-slicked bodies, her legs wrapped around his hips as he laid into her, her hips thrusting up to meet his.

            She had never felt so full, so on the edge as she did at that moment, and all other experiences fell short of the high she was feeling. She watched Marco sweat and pant, in that moment he was hers and she was all he was thinking about. Marco would have fought an army of Bald Assholes if it meant keeping her with him, and she knew it. Her pleasure built faster than it had with any other boy, Marco’s hands and mouth saw to that; she had taught him well. She looked down and watched his cock as it glided in and out of her, long and glistening with her arousal. She was internally surprised at how easily she had taken the intimidating organ, but looking up and at the taut, lithe body it was attached to, she couldn’t help but feel an additional surge of heat and pleasure. If Marco looked good fighting, he looked even better fucking.

            “S-Star!” Marco gasped. “I’m getting close!”

            ‘ _Still a bit of a quick-shot, huh Marco?_ ’ Star smiled patiently, “Do it, let it out.”

            Marco picked up the pace, Star could feel herself coming closer and closer, so close, but she knew that Marco would finish before then. So what? She had all the time in the world to hone him into a sex machine; he was almost there already, he just needed to learn to calm down. She felt his hands drift up her back and under her hair, preparing to draw her close for his climax, but gasped when his strong fingers neared her tiny vestigial wings, the only remaining vestige of her brush with Mewberty. He explored the wings for a moment, opting no to touch the delicate-looking gossamer petals, instead choosing to grasp firmly at the area surrounding them, taking the highly sensitive and erogenous stalks between his fingers as he inadvertently manhandled the most sensitive part of Mewman anatomy. Star’s gasp became a shrill whistle-like intake of air as her entire nervous system went into overload. Between the strenuous lovemaking and her wings, Star was almost immediately pushed over the edge, shuddering and spasming around Marco’s dick as she clung to him. Star had to stifle her shriek of pleasure in the nape of Marco’s neck. Throughout, Star was dimly aware of Marco’s increasingly frantic thrusts, his low grunting gasps becoming a steady groan until he buried himself inside her one last time and spasmed inside her, hot jets of cum shot out of his twitching cock as he huffed and puffed atop her. The lovers stayed like this, each basking in the afterglow of the other.

            “W-whoa!” Marco stammered, locking his eyes with hers. “Holy shit!”

            “Yeah…” Star said, still somewhat dazed. “I think we need to do this sort of thing more often! I believe that’s what the Ancient Greeks referred to as a ‘hoot and a half’.”

            “Was that Plato or Aristotle?” Marco asked jokingly, kissing her gently on the forehead. “But yeah, I think we should do this more. Like, a lot.”

            Star nodded, her face mock-serious “Every day.”

            Marco laughed and said nothing, only to have Star repeat: “ _Every_ day.”

            “Careful, I might hold you to that,” Marco said, pulling himself off of her, wiping the sweat from his brow. “Okay, I think we should actually start getting ready. First thing’s first: shower.”

            “Together?” Star offered with a wink. “Saves time and water.”

            Marco nodded, a faux-righteous tone in his voice. “It’s our duty to the planet!”

            Star laughed and jumped into the shower stall, beckoning him with a finger. “C’mon, let’s see if I can get you hard again!”

            Marco followed, feigning distress. “Oh no! Please don’t!”

 

            Marco and Star raced down the stairs, followed closely by Lefty, all manner of luggage tied to his forearm. Rafael saw this and called after them from the living room. “Packing light, I see.”

            Star giggled and shrugged. “Yep, really roughing it!”

            “See, I can’t tell if you’re joking or just being you,” he replied, examining the pile attached to the giant mechanical arm.

            “Yeah, you never can tell with me,” Star said glibly. “Race you, Marco! Loser sleeps on the wet spot!”

            Marco laughed nervously, fidgeting as his father stared him down. “S-she just means that, uh, see, a ‘wet spot’ on Mewni is–”

            “Just go,” Rafeal said flatly, calling out to them as they ran out the door. “Lefty! Tomorrow I’m getting some fellas together for Texas hold ‘em, you in?”

            The arm flashed the ‘OK’ sign before taking off after the teenagers, Rafael mused. “That arm has a hell of a poker face.”

            A curt ‘ahem’ behind him drew his attention, Angie stood there, smiling smugly with her hand out. “Pay up, Raf.”

            Rafael got to his feet and sighed, dropping a five-spot in her palm, lamenting. “We have some awfully thin walls around here, Ange. I suppose I’ll have to give that counter a wipe down, too.”

            Angie stuffed the fiver into her purse and beamed as he walked into the kitchen. “Try to sound more bitter, dear. You bet against hormones and lost.”

            Rafael shook his head and got some Lysol out from under the sink.

 

            Jackie darted to and fro about the house, the chocolate was bubbling and the wine was sparkling, the perfect cap to one of the more interesting days in recent memory. She smiled to herself, she felt like she had just been instrumental in not only saving the world from a bunch of flowery space-Edwardians, but also in helping her boyfriend secure and clarify his relationship with a rather dishy alien chick. If all went well that night, she’d have an in with both of them. The more she thought about it the more she liked it; getting in between Star and Marco in the physical sense was bound to be a lot of fun, not to mention getting invited on all sorts of interdimensional shenanigans. Jackie added a little more wine to Star’s drink, wondering what that space-case would be like drunk. ‘ _Hmmm…we oughta blackmail Pennybags into scoring us some booze later. Sure would make school parties a lot more interesting…_ ’

            There was a knock at the door, Jackie smirked and looked at herself in the mirror, she was wearing the same revealing number that she had been on her second date with Marco. She adjusted her boobs until she was sure that they hung out enough to draw the eye, but weren't about to drop out if she bent over too fast.

            “Marco! Star! About time you–” Jackie said, answering the door only to come face to hand with what appeared to be a gigantic metal arm. “Uh…hi?”

            The arm waved at her with a finger, several large bags and suitcases fastened to its body. Jackie shrugged and stepped aside, motioning for it to enter ‘ _Go with it._ ’

            It did so and she looked around outside, on her porch was Star and Marco in a close embrace, their cheeks flushed and their eyes glossy as they stared at each other. ‘ _They just fucked. Like, maybe an hour ago…_ good _._ ’

            “Sup guys,” Jackie said, jabbing her thumb over her shoulder. “I’m assuming that was your robo-arm.”

            Star pushed herself away from Marco, her blush deepening in color. “Yeah, uh, that’s Lefty. He’s gonna do our nails tonight!”

            “Cool, cool,” Jackie nodded, examining her own nails. “So, you guys gonna come in or…?”

            Marco laugh-muttered a response as he quickly walked inside, Star simply smiled and skipped inside, her eyes lighting up as soon as she smelled the chocolate.

 

            It was about an hour later and the three of them were relaxing on the couch. Star wasn’t just being Star, Lefty not only did their nails, ‘he’ did an amazing job! Star insisted that they watch Breaking Bad, something about wanting to try the magic blue crystals portrayed on the show. Jackie looked over at Star as she dipped various foods and non-food items into the vat of liquid chocolate while giggling maniacally, ruminating that it would probably be very bad for Star to try anything stronger than wine.

            “Jackie!” Star exclaimed. “Do you have any canned oysters?”

            “No, but I have a better idea,” Jackie said, mildly disgusted. “How about you get your own little fondue pot all to yourself for your experiments?”

            “Yes! That! I should get that!” Star said excitedly.

            Jackie smirked as Star leapt to her feet and hurried out of the room, scooting over and putting her arm around Marco’s shoulders. “Enjoying yourself?”

            Marco nodded, mouth full of chocolate-dipped marshmallows. “Yeah! A little bummed I don’t get to have my nails done, but whatever.”

            Jackie leaned over and kissed gingerly him on the cheek, careful not to put too much pressure on his bruises. Marco grinned and met her lips with his, poking his tongue inside her mouth. Jackie shifted over and straddled him, pulling him into an embrace as she kissed him deeper. Marco’s hands drifted down to her ass and squeezed, prompting a sharp gasp from Jackie.

            “Ow! Gently, gently!”

            Marco snapped his hands back. “Sorry! I forgot you got paddled. Dammit! It’s gonna be hard keeping my hands off that ass.”

            “Right?” Jackie said with a playful grin. “One of my best features, if I do say so myself.”

            “Besides this,” Marco said, touching her face. “And this,” his hands ran down her waist. “And these.” He grabbed a handful of her chest.

            Jackie bit her lower lip and directed his hands up and under her shirt; Marco’s face instantly went red when he realized that she wasn’t wearing a bra. He sighed with need as he felt them, taut and perky but soft, warm and encompassing. A finger brushed over a stiff, bead-like nipple and Jackie groaned, grinding her hips into the bulge growing in his pants.

            “Hey!” said a voice, it was Star. “No fair! You guys started without me!”

            Jackie reached over and dipped her finger into the fondue, smearing it on Marco’s cheek and lips. “No, we didn’t. Marco just had some chocolate around his mouth and I was cleaning it off. Wanna help?”

            Star looked down at the fondue pot in her hands and smiled deviously. “Heh! Yeah I do!”

            Star dipped her fingers in the chocolate and began drawing shapes and words on Marco’s face. Marco began to protest as a dark splotch landed on his collar, but stopped when Star licked up his face, her soft warm tongue felt amazing on his sensitive bruise. He shivered as Jackie reached down and pulled his shirt off, running her delicate fingers down the ravages of that morning’s fight. Jackie leaned in a kissed him on the lips and looked over at Star, who was still cleaning off a chocolate dick she had drawn on his face. Star locked eyes with Jackie, her rosy complexion deepening an increment, before they drew each other in for a passionate kiss. Marco felt his heart thunder in his chest as he watched; both clearly knew their stuff and were trying to impress each other. Jackie’s hands snaked under Star’s dress, tracing up her lithe, lean body and onto her firm, perky breasts, Star gasped as Jackie touched her as only another girl could have. Not to be outdone, Star did away with subtlety and reached up between Jackie’s legs and displayed her own skill. Jackie soon broke the kiss and panted for a bit, lost in the sensation. She abruptly pulled away and stood up, her freckled cheeks radiant with color.

            “U-uh, okay” she said, clearly ruffled. “So, we all seem to know the basics, what say we go to my rooms and, uhh, figure out the rest?”

            Star turned to Marco, smiling. “Conference?”

            Marco nodded. “Conference.”

            The two huddled together, their faces mock-serious as they spoke in unison. “ ** _Yes_**.”

            Star cleared her throat and stood up, gesturing royally to the hallway. “After much deliberation, Sir Diaz and I found your proposal acceptable. Lead the way, Duchess Lynn Thomas.”

            “Duchess?” Jackie said with a smirk. “I could get used to that.”

            “Impress me tonight and I’ll see what I can do!” Star said, following.

            Marco looked over at Lefty, who held out his hand in a low five. Marco slapped his hand triumphantly, Lefty gave him a thumbs-up and Marco followed the giggling girls down the hall. “Hey, y’know, if you two just want to have a night, I’m fine with watching!”

            “You don’t get off the hook that easily, Darth!” Jackie called back at him.

            “Oh, no…” Marco said, smiling to himself. “Please, be gentle."

            As the door slammed down the hallway, Lefty reached over and pressed play on the PS4 controller, clapping as Heisenberg threw a lump of fulminate mercury at Tuco’s wall. The resulting explosion did nothing to drown out the sounds coming from Jackie’s bedroom.

            A good end to the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, before you guys string me up for no real 3-way action, I just wanted to update quickly because this chapter took WAY too long to write.  
> There may be sequels, I dunno, but I'll write the three way if y'all want.  
> Let me know what you thought of my first smut-story! It was crazy-fun to write!


	7. A Little Weird, A Lot Wild

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By popular demand: sex

             Marco stepped into the room, Jackie and Star had already started in on each other, mouths busy as Jackie fondled Star’s breasts while Star’s hand drifted down the front of her shorts. Marco stood and watched for a moment and smirked, reminding himself just how much every guy in school would hate him if they knew. Jackie whispered something to Star and both pulled off their tops and embraced, their bodies writhing together as their tongues explored. Star explored Jackie’s chest, Marco noted the slight furrow in her brow as she did; Jackie was well endowed, Star…less so. Not that she seemed to mind for long, as she pushed Jackie down onto the bed, hooking her fingers under the waistband of her shorts.

            “I’ve always wondered,” Star said, her tone conversational. “Does the carpet match the drapes?”

            “See for yourself,” Jackie challenged, tracing down her cleavage with a finger.

            Star smiled and pulled off Jackie’s shorts, parting her legs and nestling in between her thighs. Jackie gasped as Star worked her magic, skilled tongue exploring and soft, flexible lips sucking. She lay back on the bed and moaned as Star’s head buried itself between her legs, biting her lower lip as she closed her eyes, her own hands squeezing her breasts. Marco blinked out of the trance he was in and rushed over, Star noticed and muffled something like a question; he knelt next to her and pulled her skirt down, her eyes widening as a smile pulled at the sides of her preoccupied mouth. He began running his fingers over her glistening pussy, teasing and brushing her clit between his fingers, Star squeaked in delight as his steely fingers entered her.

            “Oh, my god!!” Jackie exclaimed, her back arching. “Star! Where’d you learn how to do this stuff?!”

            Star muffled another response and redoubled her efforts, killing any follow-up questions as Jackie resumed her writhing and moaning. Marco buried his index and forefinger to the knuckle and began to massage her upper inner wall; his * **ahem** * ‘research’ told him that this was where most girls were sensitive. Star began to pant and gyrate her hips; obviously he was doing something right.

            Jackie began to tense and twitch. “Oh god! Oh god! Star, I’m–I’m–”

            She laughed and pulled away and turned to face Marco with a wink. Star leaned in and kissed him roughly, her tongue invading his mouth passionately. The taste and smell of Jackie on her lips was intoxicating and Marco soon found himself with an almost painful erection. Star reached into his pants and pulled it out, stroking it affectionately.

            “Star, what the hell?!” Jackie demanded, for once her calm cool demeanor was completely shattered. “Don’t fucking tease me like that!”

            “I wasn’t,” Star said, sidestepping so that Jackie could see what was in her hand. “I was getting you ready for this.”

            Jackie’s eyes widened in shock, she stammered: “H-holy shit! Star, I thought you were kidding!”

            Marco grinned and crawled onto the bed, Star close behind. “Go easy on her, Diaz. Unlike me, she needs a delicate touch.”

            “Yeah, I bet you like it rough,” Jackie retorted before turning to Marco. “C’mon, she left me high and dry, you gonna finish the job?”

            “You don’t look very dry from here,” Marco said with a smirk. “Hold on…”

            Marco reached into his pocket and produced a condom, hurriedly opening it and rolling it over his cock. With that he completely discarded his pants and shirt.

            “What’s that?” Star said, reaching around and grabbing his covered member. “Feels weird.”

            “It’s a condom,” Marco explained, positioning himself over an impatient Jackie. “Guys put these on before they have sex so they don’t get the girl pregnant. Also, it stops diseases, I guess?”

            She pressed herself against his back, looking over his shoulder as he pushed against Jackie’s entrance. The two shivered and gasped as they connected, Star merely continued to look bemused. “Does it feel good?”

            Jackie and Marco paused and looked at each other, both shrugged. “...Meh.”

            “Why didn’t you wear one with me?”

            “Are we talking about this _now_?!” Marco exclaimed, gesturing at Jackie and himself. “Kinda in the middle of something!”

            “Unless you want me to start saying unsexy words all night, you’ll answer me!” Star said, leaning in close, her voice becoming creepy and somehow damp-sounding. “Moist…clevis…goblet…flange…gusset…mulch…blog…yak…”

            Marco could feel himself softening and relented. “Okay, okay! I saw you turn into a giant bug once and you literally have wings! It’d be weirder if I _could_ knock you up!”

            “Oh, okay!” Star chirped, appeased. “Fuck away, then!”

            Marco shook his head and turned back to Jackie, who was biting her lip to hold back laughter. “What’s so funny?”

            “Oh, nothing! You two are just adorable!” she said, wrapping her arms over his shoulders. “Everything’s so chill an casual with you guys, even when you’re balls deep in another woman you still take time to explain things to her. It’s cute.”

            Cute? He was supposed to be _hot_ , not cute! Marco furrowed his brow, a less-friendly smile pulled at the sides of his mouth. “Balls deep? No, no, no… _this_ is balls deep!”

            Marco grunted and thrust forward, pushing his manhood as far inside her as it would go. Jackie’s eyes bulged as she tensed, her fingers digging into his back as she moaned loudly. Marco paused, considering asking her if she should slow down, but he was too far along now; besides, the rubber seemed to make things a little…muted? His pace was merciless; a sheen of sweat forming on his battered body as he settled into a steady rhythm, Jackie moaned and panted beneath him, her hips bucking up to meet his as her eyes glazed over and stared up at him, a look of amazement on her face.

            “Marco…” she muttered huskily. “Don’t stop, keep going!”

            Marco obliged and soon the two of them were lost to sensation, she craned her neck up and kissed him passionately, his hands caressing her breasts and pinching her nipples. Star smiled and watched, clapping in time with the slapping of their bodies. She watched with interest as Jackie began to tense, her stare becoming focused but distant: she was almost there.

            Star lay down next to her and grinned smugly. “So, did I train him well, Jack? I mean, I had a lot to work with, but I must say that I’m pretty impressed with myself!”

            “Shuh-sh-uhht–Ah!–Uhppp Star!” Jackie panted, her brow furrowing as she tried to hold onto the sensation. But Star just smiled, she knew from the look of things that Jackie was in no danger of losing it.

            Star leaned in and nibbled her ear, Jackie’s eyes snapped open as her body tensed and spasmed, her hand shot out and grabbed Star’s hand, the other dug into Marco’s back. Jackie gasped and cried out, her voice shrill and reedy, Marco slowed down and let her ride out the sensation, savoring the look on her face. Jackie looked up at Marco, her face aglow with a smile; she reached up and gently patted his bruised cheek.

            “Hey, Darth!” she said, sounding dazed. “Someone’s been practicing!”

            “Yeah, I guess you could say that.” Marco looked over at Star, who winked and curled a lock of golden hair around her finger.

            “You finish?” she asked.

            “Well, I–” Marco began, but Star interrupted: “No, he didn’t. See, he makes this funny noise and this cute little face when he cums.”

            Jackie arched an eyebrow and shot Marco a wry look. “Funny noise?”

            “Yeah! Kinda like ‘Hurgn’ or ‘Hnnnhg’, maybe a little bit of ‘Huuuagh’? Ooh, no! It’s more like ‘Haaaa–”

            “How about I find out for myself?” Jackie said, tracing her fingers down his taut chest. “Go for it, see if we can go for two!”

            Marco nodded and pushed in again, Jackie sighed contentedly as that incredible full feeling gripped her once more. Soon, they had picked up their former pace, and to Marco’s credit Jackie looked as though she was rapidly coming up on a second climax. Star watched the show once again, biting her lip enviously as a growing want took hold of her. She was…80%(?) sure that this whole thing was _her_ idea, or she green-lit it at the very least. Star eyed Jackie’s mouth as it soundlessly breathed encouragement to Marco, her soft shiny lips, her well-shaped teeth, and her nimble tongue. Her eyes snapped up at Marco, his lithe, toned body, his almost beautiful face a mask of ecstasy, and his eyes, so soft and brown and warm, were locked on Jackie. Only Jackie.

            “Hey…” she muttered, both wanting to draw the lover’s attention and not. “What about me?”

            Star huffed and swung her leg over Jackie’s face, looking Marco in the eyes. “Hope you don’t mind if I cut in.”

            There was a scoff from below and Jackie grasped Star’s hips, craning her neck up and thrusting her tongue into Star’s slick entrance. Star uttered a shivering sigh and leaned forward, touching her forehead to his. “This was a great idea.”

            Marco smirked and kissed her, his hand reaching up and grabbing her breasts. He panted into her mouth and groaned; even with the condom on he was getting close and fast. Jackie ground her hips up at him, she was different from Star, both in feel and motion, and she seemed to be a little less relentless, more…chill? Having Jackie grind into him from below and Star’s tongue in his mouth was a pretty good representation of his feelings on the relationship, or rather; it would be if he had been thinking about such things at the time. Instead, he was luxuriating in the sensation of two entirely different girls at once. He noticed Star pulling herself closer to him, pushing her hips down onto Jackie’s lapping sucking mouth. Smiling deviously, he reached up, his hands on her back and caressed and squeezed the sensitive flesh at the base of her wings. Star gasped through his lips, her eyes snapping open as she leaned forwards too far, her hands landing on Jackie’s boobs as she tried to steady herself.

            “Nuh-nuh-n-no fair!” she stammered out, but Marco was not discouraged, gently squeezing the sensitive wing-stalks between his fingers; Star squealed in pleasure. “MarcooOOOOOOO!!”

            Marco locked eyes with Star, her hazy stare made his heart pound, the pressure in his groin built suddenly and unstoppably, a low throaty groan escaped his lips as he ground into Jackie, his cock twitched and jumped inside her as his balls emptied into the condom. Jackie’s muscular legs wrapped around his back, her own climax radiating throughout her body in time with Star and Marco as she locked him into an almost painful embrace.

            The exhausted trio sighed contentedly and collapsed on the bed, panting. Jackie broke the silence by cheering huskily and pulling the two of them towards her, resting their heads on her chest. “Well, that was a hell of thing!”

            “That was…” Marco said, rolling over and snuggling into her. “…A little weird.”

            “And a _lot_ wild!” Star giggled, tracing Jackie’s belly button with her finger.

            “But all fun, right?” Marco said, concerned.

            “Marco…” Jackie said, running her fingers through his hair. “I ought to punch you for trying to keep bug-girl to yourself!”

            “Yeah!” Star said, mock-angry. “And I oughta punch you twice for trying to keep them ass’n’titties from me!”

            “Good god, they’re already ganging up on me!” Marco muttered. “But I did okay? I didn’t finish too quickly?”

            “No, Marco,” Jackie said, patiently.

            “Lemme put it this way, Marco,” Star said, grinning. “All Mewni girls are told that the boy we choose when we emerge from the cocoon is the best boy for us, that we sense that they’re good lovemakers and the most compatible, genetically. I thought that I didn’t choose you that day because I sensed that you were…uh…not the greatest in the sack. But now, I know that all it meant was that I didn’t want to lay eggs in your colon.”

            Marco blinked in surprise. “Eggs in my what-now?”

            “Also, Mewberty-Me probably mistook your mole for some kind of facial tumor,” Star said scratching her cheek. “Bugs just don’t grok finer aesthetics.”

            “Eggs…” Marco clarified. “Eggs? What–”

            “So, what do you guys want to do now?” Jackie asked. “I’d be down for more fondue. Worked up a bit of an appetite, you know?”

            “Eggs...in my butt?” Marco said, horror creeping into his voice.

            “Yeah, I’d be down for more fondue,” Star said, kissing Jackie on the cheek. “Hell, I’d _go_ _down_ for more fondue.”

            “Well, what are we waiting for?” Jackie wriggled out from under them, getting to her feet. “Race you!”

            Star hooted in delight and followed her, naked as a jaybird.

            Marco stared at the ceiling. “Is that why I haven’t seen Oscar around lately?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was a kick, now wasn't it?  
> Let me know what you thought of this story in the comments section, I really appreciate feedback (also spelling grammar corrections, I need those badly) 
> 
> This story has been a lot of fun to write, and the feedback's been really positive! If you know anyone who'd like this sort of thing, send them a link now that it's done.


End file.
